I finally did it
I got a new laptop. It's a Chromebook. It was dirt cheap. That's why I have it.
I'm going to be doing a lot of writing these days. Sometimes God puts a call on us to serve in ways we'd normally like to not serve. I decided that fighting that call was a bad idea, cashed a check that was involved with not accepting the new things He is asking me to do, and now I'm just going with it.
I get to is the thing. It's not a have to thing, it's a get to thing, but one of the things I had to get over before I got to the "get to" part of this was myself.
Some of the worst things that happen to me are self-imposed or direct consequences of bad decisions I've made. In God's Justice and wisdom, He's not letting me escape those consequences. Sometimes I try to fight them. Sometimes I try to go my own way. None of that ever works. It's been pretty bad lately, and I've been flirting with the dangers of falling into an old trap:
Depression.
Depression is a real thing. After all I've been through lately, it's really possible that I'm suffering from a small case of it. I'm not pretending it's not there. I'm fighting it and God is helping me. He's drawing me out. He's getting me involved. I have coffee with friends two to three times a week. I get to serve still at the Rescue Mission on Wednesday mornings.
God's reminding me that I need fellowship. I don't usually stick around much after church for fellowship time. I got called out for that. Fellowship is important and I was told that "we do really like you and want to spend time with you."
I got reminded of this a couple of weeks ago. I don't usually eat breakfast with the guys at the Rescue Mission on Wednesdays. I eat when I get home and I'm not hungry usually when I get up. I felt convicted that I'm not enjoying that fellowship so I decided I needed to change. I think my friend Rodney was surprised when I asked for a small helping of breakfast last week.
I needed to change.
I find that frequently, and I see the Master's hand in changing a lot these days. For some reason, everything needed to change last week. My furniture finally showed up. I ate breakfast. New carpet happened. Those things are nice. It's so nice to have a place to sit.
The biggest change lately is that I'm growing deeper with God. He's on the job and He's helping me through not just the bout of depression but He's helping me grow deeper in relationship with Him.
The depression thing is real and it's a tough thing. I could change (could I really?) the ONE thing that's causing 90 % of it I've tried that before though, and got here. I'm mindful that I need my mental health. I'm also mindful that for whatever the reason, I'm where I'm at. No matter what the season, this is the one constant. He's using the circumstances to change me.
When I was in Yellowstone, He reminded me of that in a simple statement. "It's not your path to choose. It's your path to walk." I'm not going to fight God. He wins. I read the end of the book.
Which leads me back to the "I get to" thing, just in case you thought I got lost down a rabbit trail. I get to walk this path. I get to have to wait for things. I get to experience God's goodness in the midst of dark times by Him leading me out of them. I get to see my former roommate walking down the street and experience empathy for what he's gone through instead of wanting to get out and start a fight. And now, I get to do some other things, like do a chapel service once a moth at the Rescue Mission.
A night that works around my crazy work schedule was available. I said yes. I get to do that. And I get to give the message in two weeks at my own church.
I get to.
The last two weeks have been hard. I've had to cross some lines in a relationship that I didn't want to. I want to be the guy. I'm not. But circumstances forced me to be. There's pain involved with that. A lot of pain. I had to accept the pain knowing I wouldn't wind up with the position. Sometimes you have to make the best you can of an opportunity, though, and I had to make a quick prayer for the right thing to do, and then had to do it. It hurt me. It helped others. That's how I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to pay for something I didn't cause. I had to help fix a mess I have no business being in the middle of. It caused me pain and suffering.
Sounds like what Jesus did for us.
I got to experience that.
I also got a load of temptation. The last time I felt a temptation that strong i went out and hooked up with someone. (Sorry mom!) I didn't do that this time. I stayed home, and I learned something about death and life in that experience. What I wanted to do was to taste death. I wanted to re-write an experience that had a bad ending with another one. That would have been just as bad or worse than the pain I was feeling. Somewhere in there I was reminded to taste and see that the Lord is good. He is. He helped me see my way through that temptation.
I'm grateful. And I'm grateful for the new Chromebook. It's nice to be wireless and have a laptop that doesn't need to be plugged in to work and has the latest web browser so I can actually do something with it.
Like write this thing more often, which is something else I get to do.
I'm going to be doing a lot of writing these days. Sometimes God puts a call on us to serve in ways we'd normally like to not serve. I decided that fighting that call was a bad idea, cashed a check that was involved with not accepting the new things He is asking me to do, and now I'm just going with it.
I get to is the thing. It's not a have to thing, it's a get to thing, but one of the things I had to get over before I got to the "get to" part of this was myself.
Some of the worst things that happen to me are self-imposed or direct consequences of bad decisions I've made. In God's Justice and wisdom, He's not letting me escape those consequences. Sometimes I try to fight them. Sometimes I try to go my own way. None of that ever works. It's been pretty bad lately, and I've been flirting with the dangers of falling into an old trap:
Depression.
Depression is a real thing. After all I've been through lately, it's really possible that I'm suffering from a small case of it. I'm not pretending it's not there. I'm fighting it and God is helping me. He's drawing me out. He's getting me involved. I have coffee with friends two to three times a week. I get to serve still at the Rescue Mission on Wednesday mornings.
God's reminding me that I need fellowship. I don't usually stick around much after church for fellowship time. I got called out for that. Fellowship is important and I was told that "we do really like you and want to spend time with you."
I got reminded of this a couple of weeks ago. I don't usually eat breakfast with the guys at the Rescue Mission on Wednesdays. I eat when I get home and I'm not hungry usually when I get up. I felt convicted that I'm not enjoying that fellowship so I decided I needed to change. I think my friend Rodney was surprised when I asked for a small helping of breakfast last week.
I needed to change.
I find that frequently, and I see the Master's hand in changing a lot these days. For some reason, everything needed to change last week. My furniture finally showed up. I ate breakfast. New carpet happened. Those things are nice. It's so nice to have a place to sit.
The biggest change lately is that I'm growing deeper with God. He's on the job and He's helping me through not just the bout of depression but He's helping me grow deeper in relationship with Him.
The depression thing is real and it's a tough thing. I could change (could I really?) the ONE thing that's causing 90 % of it I've tried that before though, and got here. I'm mindful that I need my mental health. I'm also mindful that for whatever the reason, I'm where I'm at. No matter what the season, this is the one constant. He's using the circumstances to change me.
When I was in Yellowstone, He reminded me of that in a simple statement. "It's not your path to choose. It's your path to walk." I'm not going to fight God. He wins. I read the end of the book.
Which leads me back to the "I get to" thing, just in case you thought I got lost down a rabbit trail. I get to walk this path. I get to have to wait for things. I get to experience God's goodness in the midst of dark times by Him leading me out of them. I get to see my former roommate walking down the street and experience empathy for what he's gone through instead of wanting to get out and start a fight. And now, I get to do some other things, like do a chapel service once a moth at the Rescue Mission.
A night that works around my crazy work schedule was available. I said yes. I get to do that. And I get to give the message in two weeks at my own church.
I get to.
The last two weeks have been hard. I've had to cross some lines in a relationship that I didn't want to. I want to be the guy. I'm not. But circumstances forced me to be. There's pain involved with that. A lot of pain. I had to accept the pain knowing I wouldn't wind up with the position. Sometimes you have to make the best you can of an opportunity, though, and I had to make a quick prayer for the right thing to do, and then had to do it. It hurt me. It helped others. That's how I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to pay for something I didn't cause. I had to help fix a mess I have no business being in the middle of. It caused me pain and suffering.
Sounds like what Jesus did for us.
I got to experience that.
I also got a load of temptation. The last time I felt a temptation that strong i went out and hooked up with someone. (Sorry mom!) I didn't do that this time. I stayed home, and I learned something about death and life in that experience. What I wanted to do was to taste death. I wanted to re-write an experience that had a bad ending with another one. That would have been just as bad or worse than the pain I was feeling. Somewhere in there I was reminded to taste and see that the Lord is good. He is. He helped me see my way through that temptation.
I'm grateful. And I'm grateful for the new Chromebook. It's nice to be wireless and have a laptop that doesn't need to be plugged in to work and has the latest web browser so I can actually do something with it.
Like write this thing more often, which is something else I get to do.
Comments
Post a Comment