Another reason why you should go to church
My roomie and I attend the same church. It's how we met. We keep different schedules and have different interests, but get along well. For all the differences there are between us, and they are many, we live lives on a parallel track. It's sometimes like we're both on our own lines, but they're headed in the same direction. For instance, he broke his toe and I hurt my back.
It just kind of rolls that way sometimes. Anyway, sometimes we sit in the same pew. Today was one of those times and I had a brief minute to share what the reason was that I pretty much lost my Who over. For a man who has destroyed his life in the past by his inability to keep his pants on, the irony of ironies is that my Who's (my being strictly for identification and not used in the possessive tense) biggest problem she has with me is that I won't sleep with her.
OK, so here's the quandary.....do you do something you've always done to get what you want (not like it's a horrible experience or anything) or do you love someone so much but love God more? I'd like to sit here and be all pious but I'd have to add lying to my list of failures. At first, my thought was, look, if I'm gonna lose you, then OK...if I must, I must. And then the Holy Spirit showed up and got to some serious convicting. So, I did the right thing about two hours later and walked back the comments.
I gave up the thing I wanted most because I can't go back to being who I was. It's not even that I won't...it's that I can't. I gave it a shot though.
I mentioned that to said roomie right before the service started. Before we made it through the announcements he looked at me in all seriousness and said "Dude, God loves you."
God does. I gave up the thing I wanted most in life because God said that what I had to do to get it was wrong. So I gave it to Him. I chose the narrow path. Not to say I was gonna get anywhere or it would have made a difference in the outcome, which is highly unlikely, but still, I had to make a choice between what I wanted and what God says is right.
And He won.
I talked to Miss June about the thing this morning before church and told her I had to give up what I wanted most at the moment because the only right choice was what God said and not what I said, or my Who said. Our faith, it seems, should mean something to us. And everything from the Bible verse, to watching a young couple dedicate their child to the Lord, to the sermon was about giving up what matters most to you to God. I said before church this morning that all the dollar bills in the world couldn't add up to the value of the thing I gave up last night.
I'm understanding Scripture more as I get to live it. You can't know what a blessing that is because it's what I need to reinforce Truth. It's how my relationship with God grows. I didn't get what I wanted because it wasn't about getting it. It was about learning how to value things. If God gave me what I wanted but I had to get it my way, then who wins?
And how do I show someone I love them more? By trying to bed them or to lead them to Jesus. So I let it go. I have to be honest, it hurt. A lot. A hell of a lot more because of some incredible things that happened that I just won't share. I was wrong about the outcome, but I wouldn't do anything different. She was worth fighting for. Even if I lost the fight.
Losing is such a poor choice of words, though. I didn't get what I wanted because either I was trying to do it on my own and can't or it wasn't God's best for me. Sometimes I have to go through things because the lesson is more important than winning and I'm constantly aware that God didn't spare Jesus the cross and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be spared whatever is necessary to teach me what I don't get.
So, what did I get? I got a chance to fix what I broke. I got the chance to make wrongs right. I learned how to love someone no matter what, which is a brand new endeavor for me. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need that wherever God is taking me next because sometimes it was hard to love my Who. Sometimes I had to choose to stay where I was, mindful that asking God to get me out of it was part of why I was where I was.
I learned that when God gives you something to do, you do it. Many ministry opportunities arise, but not are always the right one for me. But when God tells you to do something, and you're pretty sure it's God doing the telling, you do it. Or you don't to your own peril.
It's good to FEAR God. When we used to do that, this country worked pretty well. Me going to bed with my Who isn't love. It's sin. If we got married, then it's love because then it's what God intended. I never used to look at it for what it is. Now I do, and it cost me something.
Jesus never promised me this was going to be easy. The outcome was one I assumed because I thought that surely He wouldn't lead me down this path again just to have my heart broken. I've been hurt more times and worse in the last couple of months than Wendi ever did and yet while I can let go, accept the outcome for what it is, I can't seem to stay mad about it.
Either God is Sovereign or He's not. Judging by the day I had at church, I'm going with the former over the latter. He knew. I didn't. I kinda figured it would wind up this way when I kept praying for the outcome and it didn't come. What did though are lessons to last a lifetime, and a curious mind to see where God is going to next.
I don't know where that is, but I'm looking to see if He's working where I think He might be. Someone relayed a story to me last night that brought up this thought: You know damn good and well why.... it's what you're going to do about it you should be wondering about.
And the beat goes on.
It just kind of rolls that way sometimes. Anyway, sometimes we sit in the same pew. Today was one of those times and I had a brief minute to share what the reason was that I pretty much lost my Who over. For a man who has destroyed his life in the past by his inability to keep his pants on, the irony of ironies is that my Who's (my being strictly for identification and not used in the possessive tense) biggest problem she has with me is that I won't sleep with her.
OK, so here's the quandary.....do you do something you've always done to get what you want (not like it's a horrible experience or anything) or do you love someone so much but love God more? I'd like to sit here and be all pious but I'd have to add lying to my list of failures. At first, my thought was, look, if I'm gonna lose you, then OK...if I must, I must. And then the Holy Spirit showed up and got to some serious convicting. So, I did the right thing about two hours later and walked back the comments.
I gave up the thing I wanted most because I can't go back to being who I was. It's not even that I won't...it's that I can't. I gave it a shot though.
I mentioned that to said roomie right before the service started. Before we made it through the announcements he looked at me in all seriousness and said "Dude, God loves you."
God does. I gave up the thing I wanted most in life because God said that what I had to do to get it was wrong. So I gave it to Him. I chose the narrow path. Not to say I was gonna get anywhere or it would have made a difference in the outcome, which is highly unlikely, but still, I had to make a choice between what I wanted and what God says is right.
And He won.
I talked to Miss June about the thing this morning before church and told her I had to give up what I wanted most at the moment because the only right choice was what God said and not what I said, or my Who said. Our faith, it seems, should mean something to us. And everything from the Bible verse, to watching a young couple dedicate their child to the Lord, to the sermon was about giving up what matters most to you to God. I said before church this morning that all the dollar bills in the world couldn't add up to the value of the thing I gave up last night.
I'm understanding Scripture more as I get to live it. You can't know what a blessing that is because it's what I need to reinforce Truth. It's how my relationship with God grows. I didn't get what I wanted because it wasn't about getting it. It was about learning how to value things. If God gave me what I wanted but I had to get it my way, then who wins?
And how do I show someone I love them more? By trying to bed them or to lead them to Jesus. So I let it go. I have to be honest, it hurt. A lot. A hell of a lot more because of some incredible things that happened that I just won't share. I was wrong about the outcome, but I wouldn't do anything different. She was worth fighting for. Even if I lost the fight.
Losing is such a poor choice of words, though. I didn't get what I wanted because either I was trying to do it on my own and can't or it wasn't God's best for me. Sometimes I have to go through things because the lesson is more important than winning and I'm constantly aware that God didn't spare Jesus the cross and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be spared whatever is necessary to teach me what I don't get.
So, what did I get? I got a chance to fix what I broke. I got the chance to make wrongs right. I learned how to love someone no matter what, which is a brand new endeavor for me. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need that wherever God is taking me next because sometimes it was hard to love my Who. Sometimes I had to choose to stay where I was, mindful that asking God to get me out of it was part of why I was where I was.
I learned that when God gives you something to do, you do it. Many ministry opportunities arise, but not are always the right one for me. But when God tells you to do something, and you're pretty sure it's God doing the telling, you do it. Or you don't to your own peril.
It's good to FEAR God. When we used to do that, this country worked pretty well. Me going to bed with my Who isn't love. It's sin. If we got married, then it's love because then it's what God intended. I never used to look at it for what it is. Now I do, and it cost me something.
Jesus never promised me this was going to be easy. The outcome was one I assumed because I thought that surely He wouldn't lead me down this path again just to have my heart broken. I've been hurt more times and worse in the last couple of months than Wendi ever did and yet while I can let go, accept the outcome for what it is, I can't seem to stay mad about it.
Either God is Sovereign or He's not. Judging by the day I had at church, I'm going with the former over the latter. He knew. I didn't. I kinda figured it would wind up this way when I kept praying for the outcome and it didn't come. What did though are lessons to last a lifetime, and a curious mind to see where God is going to next.
I don't know where that is, but I'm looking to see if He's working where I think He might be. Someone relayed a story to me last night that brought up this thought: You know damn good and well why.... it's what you're going to do about it you should be wondering about.
And the beat goes on.
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