Questions I can't answer
Often times in my walk, I have cried out to God, begged God, tried, I think at some point to bargain with God, and foolishly, once flat told God to either bless me or kill me. Yeah, on a particularly bad day, in the parking lot of Harbor Freight, I melted town to that point.
And, God didn't kill me. He could have. He, after all, holds each breath I take in His hands. I'm thankful that He a: Didn't, and b: quickly led me to repentance for saying that. I think God understands our pain, even in that, it was more a desperate cry for help.
For the longest time a few years ago, every answer God gave me to a prayer was no. In fact, there were a lot of times that the exact opposite of what I asked for happened. It wouldn't be until sometime late last year, I would look back at those times and understand that what I wanted God to do was to keep me from having to go through what I went through, and He said no.
I got to go through things. I still go though things because of dumb choices. I talked with God about those things last night because yesterday's Our Daily Bread really hit a nerve with me. It was about how we wind up in life at the wrong places. The stark answer was: one step at a time.
There are questions to ask and answer yourself after the devotionals. Yesterday's question 1 was something like "What one step can you take closer to Jesus and away from trouble?
I have trouble answering that. As I look at the things Jesus is having me work on, I think I'm taking those steps back to him. I frequently flee from trouble. I don't date because I think that would be a mess, based on how I got to where I'm at. I don't try to cause things to happen anymore. I'm waiting on God, which involves taking the hands off the wheel of my own life.
I do my part. I try to choose better television programming. I try not to complain about work, or even the past or past co-workers. I try to remain positive, and to love those people that God puts in my life. I do the best I can, and when my best isn't getting it done, I try to ask Jesus to help with the things I've been unable to solve or do on my own.
And yet, the question hangs over my head, like I'm waiting for an answer to it to appear out of the fog. The only major decisions I have right now are choosing a retirement date and figuring out what comes next. I don't now, quite honestly, what those answers look like.
Yet.
The second question was how can I confirm the answer to the first question? For Confirmation, to me that comes through God's word and that confirmation seems to have a way of finding me. i don't seek it out. When God wants to confirm something with me, He finds a way to use His word to do that in His way.
I'm not foolish enough to think I have this Christian thing all figured out. I don't. But I'm growing deeper and deeper in relationship with my God. I'm curious to see what He thinks the answers to these questions should be.
And, God didn't kill me. He could have. He, after all, holds each breath I take in His hands. I'm thankful that He a: Didn't, and b: quickly led me to repentance for saying that. I think God understands our pain, even in that, it was more a desperate cry for help.
For the longest time a few years ago, every answer God gave me to a prayer was no. In fact, there were a lot of times that the exact opposite of what I asked for happened. It wouldn't be until sometime late last year, I would look back at those times and understand that what I wanted God to do was to keep me from having to go through what I went through, and He said no.
I got to go through things. I still go though things because of dumb choices. I talked with God about those things last night because yesterday's Our Daily Bread really hit a nerve with me. It was about how we wind up in life at the wrong places. The stark answer was: one step at a time.
There are questions to ask and answer yourself after the devotionals. Yesterday's question 1 was something like "What one step can you take closer to Jesus and away from trouble?
I have trouble answering that. As I look at the things Jesus is having me work on, I think I'm taking those steps back to him. I frequently flee from trouble. I don't date because I think that would be a mess, based on how I got to where I'm at. I don't try to cause things to happen anymore. I'm waiting on God, which involves taking the hands off the wheel of my own life.
I do my part. I try to choose better television programming. I try not to complain about work, or even the past or past co-workers. I try to remain positive, and to love those people that God puts in my life. I do the best I can, and when my best isn't getting it done, I try to ask Jesus to help with the things I've been unable to solve or do on my own.
And yet, the question hangs over my head, like I'm waiting for an answer to it to appear out of the fog. The only major decisions I have right now are choosing a retirement date and figuring out what comes next. I don't now, quite honestly, what those answers look like.
Yet.
The second question was how can I confirm the answer to the first question? For Confirmation, to me that comes through God's word and that confirmation seems to have a way of finding me. i don't seek it out. When God wants to confirm something with me, He finds a way to use His word to do that in His way.
I'm not foolish enough to think I have this Christian thing all figured out. I don't. But I'm growing deeper and deeper in relationship with my God. I'm curious to see what He thinks the answers to these questions should be.
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