I knew before I knew
Prophesy is a real thing, and I know for a fact that sometimes God tells me what He's going to do in my life before He does it. I don't have the gift of prophesy. I want to be clear about that but sometimes God uses others to speak a prophetic word into our lives.
My dream died at 1130 this morning. Well that's probably not an accurate statement. My dream died a couple of weeks ago. I knew. I saw something someone who God uses to speak into my life shared a post on Facebook that said that sometimes it's more about the ask from God than it is about the results. That and another post that talked about how sometimes God lets the worst thing happen to bring us closer to him. I saw them back to back, and it's when I knew that the possibility of me losing that dream was real.
Shortly after that, and one of the few times I know for sure that I heard from Him, it was a word in season for me: It's necessary.
That word came with a direction: Stay the course. I did. I didn't get what I thought was my chunk of the promised land. I lost a lot of money in the process. I'm hurt beyond measure. I'm tired.
But I'm also being faithful. God didn't stop being good because He needed, for my good and His glory, to lead me through a disappointment. He will use it to take me to where I'm going next and I'd be a fool to even suggest that I have the first kind of clue what that is.
The worst thing that could happen to me, in my estimation, was that this deal would fall through and my house would sell. I still have a contract to honor to sell my house but my home isn't for sale this afternoon at the price it was this morning. I made an offer to a neighbor. I will stand by that offer if his son chooses to take me up on that. Other than that, the price changed, because the motivation changed.
I trust God with the good and bad. He gives. He takes away. And in His wisdom, He chose to warn me ahead of time that this was a likely outcome. I went all the way to the 1130 deadline, hoping.
I don't feel the deep pain that King David felt when God took the life of the child he fathered with Bathsheba, but the pain and disappointment are real. But much like David, I washed my face, I ate a sandwich, and I chose to move on. I hoped God would. God did not.
I think how we respond to disappointment defines us far, far more than the success of getting this deal done. I know I did everything right. I'm reading a book about double blessings and I know I'm doing what I ought. I know God answered prayers. He gave me what I asked for, but not all at once, and not enough to get the deal done, but I got offers. I didn't get what I needed to become the owner of the place and there was a distinct warning in this not to take short cuts.
I don't want to be where God isn't. That's why I didn't take a lesser offer or a shortcut to sell the house for far, far less than it's worth, just for the cash. The thing preventing my house from being sold has been removed. It had far less to do with coronavirus or it being dated than it did with preventing me from getting to where I thought I was headed.
I believe that, because the worst thing I thought could happen with this is that I'd lose that deal and the house would be for sale. That's where I find myself today and I have no doubt that will happen.
Jesus knows. Three times He asked the father for another way. Three times, He had to say not His will but the Father's. Sometimes the words "Thy will be done" are hard to utter but that's where I'm at today.
His will. Not mine.
My dream died at 1130 this morning. Well that's probably not an accurate statement. My dream died a couple of weeks ago. I knew. I saw something someone who God uses to speak into my life shared a post on Facebook that said that sometimes it's more about the ask from God than it is about the results. That and another post that talked about how sometimes God lets the worst thing happen to bring us closer to him. I saw them back to back, and it's when I knew that the possibility of me losing that dream was real.
Shortly after that, and one of the few times I know for sure that I heard from Him, it was a word in season for me: It's necessary.
That word came with a direction: Stay the course. I did. I didn't get what I thought was my chunk of the promised land. I lost a lot of money in the process. I'm hurt beyond measure. I'm tired.
But I'm also being faithful. God didn't stop being good because He needed, for my good and His glory, to lead me through a disappointment. He will use it to take me to where I'm going next and I'd be a fool to even suggest that I have the first kind of clue what that is.
The worst thing that could happen to me, in my estimation, was that this deal would fall through and my house would sell. I still have a contract to honor to sell my house but my home isn't for sale this afternoon at the price it was this morning. I made an offer to a neighbor. I will stand by that offer if his son chooses to take me up on that. Other than that, the price changed, because the motivation changed.
I trust God with the good and bad. He gives. He takes away. And in His wisdom, He chose to warn me ahead of time that this was a likely outcome. I went all the way to the 1130 deadline, hoping.
I don't feel the deep pain that King David felt when God took the life of the child he fathered with Bathsheba, but the pain and disappointment are real. But much like David, I washed my face, I ate a sandwich, and I chose to move on. I hoped God would. God did not.
I think how we respond to disappointment defines us far, far more than the success of getting this deal done. I know I did everything right. I'm reading a book about double blessings and I know I'm doing what I ought. I know God answered prayers. He gave me what I asked for, but not all at once, and not enough to get the deal done, but I got offers. I didn't get what I needed to become the owner of the place and there was a distinct warning in this not to take short cuts.
I don't want to be where God isn't. That's why I didn't take a lesser offer or a shortcut to sell the house for far, far less than it's worth, just for the cash. The thing preventing my house from being sold has been removed. It had far less to do with coronavirus or it being dated than it did with preventing me from getting to where I thought I was headed.
I believe that, because the worst thing I thought could happen with this is that I'd lose that deal and the house would be for sale. That's where I find myself today and I have no doubt that will happen.
Jesus knows. Three times He asked the father for another way. Three times, He had to say not His will but the Father's. Sometimes the words "Thy will be done" are hard to utter but that's where I'm at today.
His will. Not mine.
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