Swiss cheese

Yup, this is gonna be one of those kinds of posts.  It's gonna have more holes in it than a swiss cheese.

Sorry.  But the bottom line of the story makes it worth telling because it's about God and answering prayers.


I have a lot of things up in the air in my life and sometimes it seems to me that I'm just going around in circles in my own little desert.  Sometimes it feels like it's a bit pointless and sometimes I get downright discouraged.  I hit discouraged yesterday.

I lost hope.

And then I found it again.

It's right and good to trust God but sometimes it's easer to say than to do.  I think I hit that day yesterday.  I was tired and sometimes when that happens, you become vulnerable to start believing all kinds of things.  My little bout started the day before with one of those "I don't believe in coincidences" things. I was where I wasn't headed, and something happened out of the ordinary, etc....

God just put me where I needed to be is all it means, other than to say I don't think He did that for my benefit.

Yesterday I just told God, who loves us and hears our prayers, I think I lost hope.  I've been asking and asking for answers to things that are so up in the air.  They didn't come, but some other stuff did, and I mean quickly.  A radio program at lunch hit me right where I was.

Sometimes, I'm a little self-centered.  To a certain extent, we all are.  By this, I mean that I was focused on my little dilemma where it seems that nothing changes.  The radio program reminded me that I was focused on this and that, and that a Christian's focus ought to be on Jesus first as a defense for how the evil one attacks us.  It was really fascinating that I'd hear that so shortly after kind of having a spiritual meltdown of sorts.  I didn't get mad at God or anything.  I just was in despair that this was all there was and I was gonna wind up staying in the desert, if you will.

Part of being a Christian is denying ourselves, picking up our cross, daily, and following Christ.  I don't think that involves a bit of a pity-party. Keep in mind, too, that this pity party thing included two people, just me and God.  So, I picked up my cross and went back to work last night.  It gets heavy sometimes, but it's mine to carry.  I was refocused on what I needed to focus on, which was the task of living the life God gave me.  OK, back to work!

 At some point in the evening, I remember thinking to myself that maybe I was asking the wrong thing of God, so I asked Him to help me understand the reasons He can't give me the answers I think I so desperately need.

Apparently that was the right question to ask, because at about three-thirty this morning, I got that answer.

If I've been going around in circles, it's because it's the only way that God could keep me where He wanted me.  I mean I know that this is where God wants me.  I understand that, but sometimes I forget it.  I still have that human thing of asking "Why", and in His grace toward me, He showed my why.

The why is this:  I've been going around in circles because it's the only way He could keep me where I am.

I have this thing about needing to go.  Someplace, anyplace!  Sitting still is kinda hard for me.  God knows that about me and I don't think that's a bad thing.  But when that need is gonna mess up what God is doing in my life, I guess it's around in circles.  So I've been on this merry-go-round because I can't sit still.

I have a job that's better suited to me than the fuels job I had was.  I haven't heard about the job I really want to have because I need to be in the job I have now.  I live in my house because this is where God wants me to be.  I've tried to sell it.  I can't.  I tried to give it back to the bank and God led me down another path.  I'm right where God wants me to be.  I'm right where He put me and I've been doing the very thing I set out to do.

I've been following God.  This whole time!  This is just where it leads....

I'm so very grateful to God for hearing my prayer, addressing my concerns, and opening my eyes.

Oh yeah, I want to share with you something else.  I have a new project.  I find a lot of pennies these days it seems.  I used to just walk by them, but I've decided that every time I find change laying around on the ground, I'm putting it in my 'pennies from heaven' jar.  There are two pennies in it this morning.  I"m curious to see how long it will take me to fill up said jar.  The pennies will go to my church's missions fund.