Didn't see that.

For all the things I do see in and around my life, sometimes the most obvious ones escape detection.

I was a bit upset last month by something that happened, but with a couple of weeks of hindsight, I see the many ways God used that for good in my life.  That and reading a book that forced me to take a timely assessment of my life kind of showed me something I didn't see before.

I struggle financially.  That's not a news flash.  But when I looked at my finances and looked at some of the programs on the TV in my home, I kind of thought it was time to make a change.  As for me, I watch mostly old movies, sports, and MSNBC.  There are other things on the tube though and it's easy to overlook what exactly some of the content is by saying, "well I don't watch those programs."

Looking at my finances, I began to see that if I'm paying for TV while asking God to lead me to a place of being more obedient with my finances, then I need to be willing to sacrifice.  In the rainy season, the one little thing June and I held onto is now gone.  I will pay the final bill on Thursday and cancel.

It's not something we need, but it was something we kind of felt we were entitled to.  The one little bit of happiness that makes us feel normal.  

Sometimes your faith has to cost you something.  Today, it's being willing to sacrifice something I want because obedience is more important.  I'm learning a lot about setting priorities in the rainy season and using the word "no".  I don't like telling people no, but sometimes you have to.  I can only do so much with what I have and I'm re-racking and stacking my priorities a little bit differently.  

I'm also learning that helping has to be weighed against whether or not I actually can.  Sometimes, I've done so whether or not I could; sort of kicking a can down the road.  I don't do that anymore.  If you're having to use your safety net frequently, you need to look at doing something less perilous.  That's where I find myself.

I learned another lesson too, kind of at my own expense, but also by watching someone I know learn this hard lesson.  If you keep putting stuff off, you might not have what you need when you need it.  My furnace part would be one example of that.  What I need is a far bigger priority than what I want and I'm taking a serious look at what can wait and what can't.

TV can wait until everything else is the way it should be.  When I'm able to manage my household without a safety net, then TV again.  Until then, broadcast TV will do.  I invested $35 in a tv antenna, used an old DirecTV dish mount I had on the house, and we now have TV for free.  No more recording shows, but TV is free.  We downgraded.  We're sacrificing.  It sucks.  But it's necessary.

To me, TV just got to be just a bill that had to be paid.  It's not anymore.  It's a luxury that I can no longer justify.  Notice I didn't say afford.  I can afford the TV.  I can't justify it anymore.

The Lord is good and he's just showing me all kinds of things about myself that need work.  I guess it's part of growing and maturing in my faith.  I'll miss the TV but it's only until some other priorities are taken care of.  When I don't have to justify the cost, then I can have it back.

I wonder by then if I'll want it.