Sitting in the sitting room
I posted some pictures on Facebook of the sitting room I put together for the future. I read something about leaning hard into your future so I did. I'm trusting God to not let me tip over.
I have had two beers. I am working on number three. It's been that kind of a weekend. Having beers is not a habit I plan to return to anytime soon, but I enjoy a cold one while working in the yard and I worked in the yard today. I will be working in the yard for the next several months. The yard is still winning.
I did manage to get peas, potatoes, and carrots planted. Will they grow? We'll see. We had the seeds. They are leftovers from whenever. We'll try them and see what grows or doesn't. We're really scaling back on the garden this year, mostly because the yard is still winning. Not next year, though. Next year, there will be grow boxes and brand new dirt.
And grass. Lots and lots of grass.
The plan for the back part of the back 40 is to just plant grass. I don't have time to garden it, because gardening it involves pulling weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. Grass I can just mow. So, grass wins. This year, we'll seed the south end of the thing. If it grows, great. If it doesn't, I'll mow the weeds and it'll look green anyway. Next year, we'll install grow boxes and re-seed as necessary the grass between them. Then I can have green pathways and boxes in the middle and plant flowers and shrubs around the edges. It will look like a real garden.
That's the plan anyhow. We'll see what happens.
I mentioned beer. I needed one. It's been a long day.
Lots going on in my little world. I have Tami Jo's cat as a house guest. Again. Seems the lady who Miss June gave the cat to, well, she beat feet for California and didn't come back for the cat. To add insult to injury, one of my church family who took Tami Jo in during her brief stint as a Utah resident, handed me a reminder card from the vet that Lilee needs her shots.
Anybody want $20? Free, no kidding....$20! All you have to do is take the CAT!
(a pause whilst your intrepid reporter takes a swig!)
I'm using a coaster. A Cooper coaster! It's a coaster that has the Cooper coat of arms on it. It's green, like the walls.
I have a last nerve. It's dangerously close to the surface these days and I'm hopeful people will quit trying to stomp on it. My roommate and my second level supervisor have come really close to doing that. Man, am I glad I only have four more years to work at Hill. If I can last through the next one, it'd take them longer to fire me than I have left.
The mid-term presidential election mantra of "Four More Years!" has become my own, but it's usually whispered to myself: four more years....you can do this....four more years.
Four more beers? No. There are only two left. They started out as five left out of a six pack. They've been in the fridge for a while. I don't buy beer in bulk anymore. I rarely drink. Today just seemed like an especially good day for it.
So, let's talk about drinking. Drinking one or two, not necessarily a bad thing. One or two. Three is about my limit these days. It doesn't solve anything. I just like the taste of a cold beer after a hard day's working in the yard. I've seen too much damage done to my family over alcohol. I watched it turn someone I loved into a monster that I couldn't live with anymore.
My ex is dying.
She's only got a few years left.
If she quits drinking.
By a few, I mean that I will still be working at Hill when she passes. It's that serious.
I had to take stock of things and see how much of that was my fault. Probably some of it. But I do know this. I did my best to help her. So did a lot of people. My two youngest could use your prayers. So could she.
I have to help young son with the Social Security paperwork next week. She cannot work. She cannot hardly walk.
Life, boys and girls, isn't always fun and games.
When you love someone like I did Julie, that never goes away. I know we were like the worst couple in history, but in my own weird little way, I loved her. The man I am now could do better than the man I was at that, but that's not where my heart is these days. Sometimes you just have to recognize your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and live with the consequences.
Been thinking a lot about consequences of decisions lately. I made a rash decision based on some past experiences that is preventing me from being where I should be right now. I didn't stop and think about the consequences of the decisions I've made. Ever.
Ever.
I've been doing that more and more, though. In my sitting room there is a love seat. I found a better one, more suited to the "cabin" look I was aiming for. It even had a hide-a-bed in it. It was $60 at the D. I. I stopped and counted the consequences of purchasing it this payday. It didn't come home with me. I'll stick with what's here.
Not every good deal is a good deal for me.
I love my church family. During prayer time, I mentioned about my ex and asked for prayers for her and my boys. My boys have a lot going on. They're fine men. Anyway, they're not the first to have to deal with this....apparently it's really becoming an epidemic across our country. A lot of women are drinking themselves into an early grave. I read an article about it on Friday and shared it on my Facebook page. There are a lot of people out there with no hope.
They don't know Jesus. By the time they get to the point they're at, they're not interested in knowing Him. Sad.
But my church family, well, they're just awesome. A couple is dealing with health problems with their daughter and they can empathize. And I can with them. I don't have to imagine what they're dealing with. I KNOW all to well now. She might be my ex, but I still care about what happens to her. And I'm sad for my kids.
She'll never get to know our grandchildren. She'll never see our youngest get married. That's sad.
Coupled with all the other stuff, well, I was a little bit down. And I went to church. And we sang. And then when we didn't do it well, we did it again! Thanks, Karl! I really was thinking to myself: C'MON! SING IT LIKE YA MEAN IT!"
We were singing Celebrate Jesus! Even in the pain, sorrow, sadness, madness, and confusion....I always mean it!
I found Christ six years go this week. I have been mowing the lawn at Ogden First Baptist for going on seven seasons now. It's become my job. Nobody even thinks about mowing the lawn because I do it. I have a ministry...it's leading a Bible Study at Ogden Rescue Mission. I love those guys.
And my church family. Where would I be without them. As I said, I got some empathy from one of the ladies, who up until today, I don't think she really had much use for me. She has to love me...liking me is a different matter entirely. And then there was Barb, who is my new best friend at church. She talked to me for a minute. The conversation went like this:
"I feel bad for her. It's hard and you tend to want to blame yourself. "
"You do...I know, but it's not. It was her choice"
"She's gonna die"
"Yes, she is"; looked me right in the eye and said it matter-of-factly. No sugar coating it.
And then she told me about the first lady I mentioned and her daughter. She's seen it before. She knows.
I needed to hear that. And she demanded a hug.
Funny how the two times in six years I needed a hug, I got them both at my church.
My life is unbelievable and it's adventure. I've made some bad mistakes. I should have never let Cindy walk out this door. Someday, she'll walk back in. I had an incredible week with God figuring some stuff out. He's not ever gonna let me stay the way I am, and I figure He'll keep working on me until I die. I'm sad, down, broke, and I'm also saved, blessed, and redeemed. God has a plan for me. I have a wonderful home, a good job that I like on most days. I'm in pain, but for the most part, I have my health. My kids are in my life (and someday the prodigal oldest will come home!)
Sure there are bumps in the road and I blow it. I'm still human. I blow it regularly. But the difference between who I am now and who I used to be is that I care now. I never did care about anything but me before Christ.
I may have one more beer. But not because I need it, or need to get numb. I might have this one more, to celebrate the blessings a merciful God bestowed on a sinner like me. There's a roof over my head, a garden in the ground, cars to drive, and we have not only enough, but enough to share.
I'm blessed.
I have had two beers. I am working on number three. It's been that kind of a weekend. Having beers is not a habit I plan to return to anytime soon, but I enjoy a cold one while working in the yard and I worked in the yard today. I will be working in the yard for the next several months. The yard is still winning.
I did manage to get peas, potatoes, and carrots planted. Will they grow? We'll see. We had the seeds. They are leftovers from whenever. We'll try them and see what grows or doesn't. We're really scaling back on the garden this year, mostly because the yard is still winning. Not next year, though. Next year, there will be grow boxes and brand new dirt.
And grass. Lots and lots of grass.
The plan for the back part of the back 40 is to just plant grass. I don't have time to garden it, because gardening it involves pulling weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. Grass I can just mow. So, grass wins. This year, we'll seed the south end of the thing. If it grows, great. If it doesn't, I'll mow the weeds and it'll look green anyway. Next year, we'll install grow boxes and re-seed as necessary the grass between them. Then I can have green pathways and boxes in the middle and plant flowers and shrubs around the edges. It will look like a real garden.
That's the plan anyhow. We'll see what happens.
I mentioned beer. I needed one. It's been a long day.
Lots going on in my little world. I have Tami Jo's cat as a house guest. Again. Seems the lady who Miss June gave the cat to, well, she beat feet for California and didn't come back for the cat. To add insult to injury, one of my church family who took Tami Jo in during her brief stint as a Utah resident, handed me a reminder card from the vet that Lilee needs her shots.
Anybody want $20? Free, no kidding....$20! All you have to do is take the CAT!
(a pause whilst your intrepid reporter takes a swig!)
I'm using a coaster. A Cooper coaster! It's a coaster that has the Cooper coat of arms on it. It's green, like the walls.
I have a last nerve. It's dangerously close to the surface these days and I'm hopeful people will quit trying to stomp on it. My roommate and my second level supervisor have come really close to doing that. Man, am I glad I only have four more years to work at Hill. If I can last through the next one, it'd take them longer to fire me than I have left.
The mid-term presidential election mantra of "Four More Years!" has become my own, but it's usually whispered to myself: four more years....you can do this....four more years.
Four more beers? No. There are only two left. They started out as five left out of a six pack. They've been in the fridge for a while. I don't buy beer in bulk anymore. I rarely drink. Today just seemed like an especially good day for it.
So, let's talk about drinking. Drinking one or two, not necessarily a bad thing. One or two. Three is about my limit these days. It doesn't solve anything. I just like the taste of a cold beer after a hard day's working in the yard. I've seen too much damage done to my family over alcohol. I watched it turn someone I loved into a monster that I couldn't live with anymore.
My ex is dying.
She's only got a few years left.
If she quits drinking.
By a few, I mean that I will still be working at Hill when she passes. It's that serious.
I had to take stock of things and see how much of that was my fault. Probably some of it. But I do know this. I did my best to help her. So did a lot of people. My two youngest could use your prayers. So could she.
I have to help young son with the Social Security paperwork next week. She cannot work. She cannot hardly walk.
Life, boys and girls, isn't always fun and games.
When you love someone like I did Julie, that never goes away. I know we were like the worst couple in history, but in my own weird little way, I loved her. The man I am now could do better than the man I was at that, but that's not where my heart is these days. Sometimes you just have to recognize your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and live with the consequences.
Been thinking a lot about consequences of decisions lately. I made a rash decision based on some past experiences that is preventing me from being where I should be right now. I didn't stop and think about the consequences of the decisions I've made. Ever.
Ever.
I've been doing that more and more, though. In my sitting room there is a love seat. I found a better one, more suited to the "cabin" look I was aiming for. It even had a hide-a-bed in it. It was $60 at the D. I. I stopped and counted the consequences of purchasing it this payday. It didn't come home with me. I'll stick with what's here.
Not every good deal is a good deal for me.
I love my church family. During prayer time, I mentioned about my ex and asked for prayers for her and my boys. My boys have a lot going on. They're fine men. Anyway, they're not the first to have to deal with this....apparently it's really becoming an epidemic across our country. A lot of women are drinking themselves into an early grave. I read an article about it on Friday and shared it on my Facebook page. There are a lot of people out there with no hope.
They don't know Jesus. By the time they get to the point they're at, they're not interested in knowing Him. Sad.
But my church family, well, they're just awesome. A couple is dealing with health problems with their daughter and they can empathize. And I can with them. I don't have to imagine what they're dealing with. I KNOW all to well now. She might be my ex, but I still care about what happens to her. And I'm sad for my kids.
She'll never get to know our grandchildren. She'll never see our youngest get married. That's sad.
Coupled with all the other stuff, well, I was a little bit down. And I went to church. And we sang. And then when we didn't do it well, we did it again! Thanks, Karl! I really was thinking to myself: C'MON! SING IT LIKE YA MEAN IT!"
We were singing Celebrate Jesus! Even in the pain, sorrow, sadness, madness, and confusion....I always mean it!
I found Christ six years go this week. I have been mowing the lawn at Ogden First Baptist for going on seven seasons now. It's become my job. Nobody even thinks about mowing the lawn because I do it. I have a ministry...it's leading a Bible Study at Ogden Rescue Mission. I love those guys.
And my church family. Where would I be without them. As I said, I got some empathy from one of the ladies, who up until today, I don't think she really had much use for me. She has to love me...liking me is a different matter entirely. And then there was Barb, who is my new best friend at church. She talked to me for a minute. The conversation went like this:
"I feel bad for her. It's hard and you tend to want to blame yourself. "
"You do...I know, but it's not. It was her choice"
"She's gonna die"
"Yes, she is"; looked me right in the eye and said it matter-of-factly. No sugar coating it.
And then she told me about the first lady I mentioned and her daughter. She's seen it before. She knows.
I needed to hear that. And she demanded a hug.
Funny how the two times in six years I needed a hug, I got them both at my church.
My life is unbelievable and it's adventure. I've made some bad mistakes. I should have never let Cindy walk out this door. Someday, she'll walk back in. I had an incredible week with God figuring some stuff out. He's not ever gonna let me stay the way I am, and I figure He'll keep working on me until I die. I'm sad, down, broke, and I'm also saved, blessed, and redeemed. God has a plan for me. I have a wonderful home, a good job that I like on most days. I'm in pain, but for the most part, I have my health. My kids are in my life (and someday the prodigal oldest will come home!)
Sure there are bumps in the road and I blow it. I'm still human. I blow it regularly. But the difference between who I am now and who I used to be is that I care now. I never did care about anything but me before Christ.
I may have one more beer. But not because I need it, or need to get numb. I might have this one more, to celebrate the blessings a merciful God bestowed on a sinner like me. There's a roof over my head, a garden in the ground, cars to drive, and we have not only enough, but enough to share.
I'm blessed.
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