A rough month
Today is the end of this nightmare. I can't explain it any better than that but for the last month, I think I've been learning some tough lessons about marriage and relationships. It all started with an instant message from Vincent (yup, that Vincent!) letting me know about his reconciliation with Wendy. Yup, that really happened to me.
Then the weird dream I kind of hinted about. That one really messed me up. Bad. But if the thing comes to pass, it was from God. If not, then I can tell you God is real because the antithesis of that argument is that if God is real, then Satan is real, and spiritual attacks on God's children are real. There's no middle ground here. Either God is gonna do something spectacular in my life or the Evil One was trying to trick me into doing something I shouldn't have.
I defaulted to basics and remember that God doesn't change His essence. He will change His mind sometimes, but not who He is; and in that the rules don't change. Thou shalt not still means thou shalt not...
Today my Bible reading plan (I'm not random reading for a while!) took me to 1 Corinthians 7 where it talks about marriage and divorce and unbelievers and the like. Today is all about marriage. So has the last month been.
Yesterday, I finally went to the courthouse to pick up a copy of the divorce decree and accompanying order the State filed that modified it. Wendy and I had a little issue or three that had to be resolved and the State resolved it for us. There are many paths to get where you're going (unless it's Heaven and the only path is Jesus!) and that's the one that got us there. It wasn't where I wanted to be, just where I needed to be at the time. But I tried my damnedest to avoid it.
I needed said divorce decree to fix something else that shouldn't have happened and did. Fixed now. Just a reminder of the price I paid for my sins, I suppose, and a lesson.
I've learned a lot about marriage. I know someone who wanted to be married more than anything and wound up that way, to perhaps not the best choice. That person is trying to make it work because, like me, she understands that God takes some strong views on the subject. I'm proud of her for giving it all she's got! She's making it the best choice!
Most people wouldn't.
I don't know how things will work out for me. Like I said, it's either going to involve God changing His mind about something in my life or me realizing that it was just an attempt to lure me down the wrong path. Only time will tell. I just know I have to default back to the things I know for sure and rely on the wisdom I have that tells me not to meddle with it. For everything I don't know, I do know that in everything I've been through, I know that God has taught me what marriage is; the sanctity of it, and the importance He places on it. Those values have been instilled in me.
Painfully.
I was on a date recently and my friend texed me and told me not to marry that one. I didn't have to worry about it because after the date, I got the break-up text later on that night. He said he was just kidding. Sort of.
Smart ass.
I'm not co-dependent. I've just made some bad choices and they've cost me. I'd like to have a good, godly marriage, now that I understand what that is. But then, it could be like Moses where God is allowing me to see the promised land, but not enter into it. Or it could be God is getting ready to do that spectacular and totally unexpected thing in my life and I just don't know it yet.
And in the mean time, I'm grateful for the lessons learned.
Oh, yeah, there's one more thing worthy of note, and how I know it's the end of this lesson and the beginning tomorrow of something new: I got married in Las Vegas to the mother of my two youngest children on this day 22 years ago.
Lessons learned.
Then the weird dream I kind of hinted about. That one really messed me up. Bad. But if the thing comes to pass, it was from God. If not, then I can tell you God is real because the antithesis of that argument is that if God is real, then Satan is real, and spiritual attacks on God's children are real. There's no middle ground here. Either God is gonna do something spectacular in my life or the Evil One was trying to trick me into doing something I shouldn't have.
I defaulted to basics and remember that God doesn't change His essence. He will change His mind sometimes, but not who He is; and in that the rules don't change. Thou shalt not still means thou shalt not...
Today my Bible reading plan (I'm not random reading for a while!) took me to 1 Corinthians 7 where it talks about marriage and divorce and unbelievers and the like. Today is all about marriage. So has the last month been.
Yesterday, I finally went to the courthouse to pick up a copy of the divorce decree and accompanying order the State filed that modified it. Wendy and I had a little issue or three that had to be resolved and the State resolved it for us. There are many paths to get where you're going (unless it's Heaven and the only path is Jesus!) and that's the one that got us there. It wasn't where I wanted to be, just where I needed to be at the time. But I tried my damnedest to avoid it.
I needed said divorce decree to fix something else that shouldn't have happened and did. Fixed now. Just a reminder of the price I paid for my sins, I suppose, and a lesson.
I've learned a lot about marriage. I know someone who wanted to be married more than anything and wound up that way, to perhaps not the best choice. That person is trying to make it work because, like me, she understands that God takes some strong views on the subject. I'm proud of her for giving it all she's got! She's making it the best choice!
Most people wouldn't.
I don't know how things will work out for me. Like I said, it's either going to involve God changing His mind about something in my life or me realizing that it was just an attempt to lure me down the wrong path. Only time will tell. I just know I have to default back to the things I know for sure and rely on the wisdom I have that tells me not to meddle with it. For everything I don't know, I do know that in everything I've been through, I know that God has taught me what marriage is; the sanctity of it, and the importance He places on it. Those values have been instilled in me.
Painfully.
I was on a date recently and my friend texed me and told me not to marry that one. I didn't have to worry about it because after the date, I got the break-up text later on that night. He said he was just kidding. Sort of.
Smart ass.
I'm not co-dependent. I've just made some bad choices and they've cost me. I'd like to have a good, godly marriage, now that I understand what that is. But then, it could be like Moses where God is allowing me to see the promised land, but not enter into it. Or it could be God is getting ready to do that spectacular and totally unexpected thing in my life and I just don't know it yet.
And in the mean time, I'm grateful for the lessons learned.
Oh, yeah, there's one more thing worthy of note, and how I know it's the end of this lesson and the beginning tomorrow of something new: I got married in Las Vegas to the mother of my two youngest children on this day 22 years ago.
Lessons learned.
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