Reality check
Sometimes even I can't believe what happens around me, let alone TO me. Today, even though my back is killing me (couldn't hardly sit through church, but glad I did and will get to that by and by), I thought it wise to write some things down and kind of do a reality check.
I'm reading a book called Daring written by Paul Louis Cole. I've met Mr. Cole on several occasions and he's an interesting man to know. I like the book, but got stuck on page 131 this week because I needed to answer several of the questions he posed to the reader.
The first one was an admonition to recognize the season of life you're in. My life is in a rainy season. God gave me someone to have in my life a few years back and He told me to love her. He told me all about her (hence the meme about loving the broken, hard to love, etc...yesterday) and I loved her until....and because of the until, I decided I didn't need her in my life. And then I fell in love with her, only it was a little bit too late. I've been down that road before, too. Sometimes you lose in life. I accepted it and then the whole thing with the one that shan't be named again showed back up in my life. That was a blessing because I got to see WHY God said NO!
At the end of that, I asked God to pick someone just for me. That, coupled with some extraordinary circumstances led me to my Who and some incredible stories that have me convinced that well, someday..... but not today. That's part of the rainy season.
So is paying for the consequences of Wendi. Forgiven of sin is one thing. Avoiding the consequences isn't always what God has planned, and God used Wendi for some pretty amazing changes in me, that had she not happened, wouldn't have taken place. Painful? Yes. But necessary. I get that.
Then there are the things that happen on any given day that bring more rain. That's what led me to decide that I'm in a rainy season.
So where am I at in my journey? I think an honest answer is that I'm in the informative years of my journey. The young adult years...I'm a lot more mature as a believer. I have faith like I've never known. But I still mess up from time to time (think myWho!) and I still can react in less-than-godly ways if I don't take time to think about things first. I'm learning and maturing. I'm eating the red meat, but every now and again, I need the milk. I don't think God would trust me to help with the Bible study if I wasn't maturing as a Christian. I also don't think some of the stuff that happens now to me will in the future because I'll be a mature Christian someday.
What man has faced what I'm facing now? That's an interesting question. Another part of that question is who in Scripture can I identify with? I have a list:
I can identify with Hosea. It was the words in the first three chapters of Hosea and the admonition about divorce in 1 Corinthians 7 that led me to try to work things out with Wendi as long as I did. (that and some leading and prompting by the Spirit). It didn't end well, but then God extended me some grace and there was my Who, who because of my own decisions, is helping me relate to Hosea again.
I have to own my part.
I can identify with the prodigal's father. I have one of my own and I wish he'd come home.
I can identify with anybody that's been wronged by a brother. But in saying that, I'm reminded by God that who am I to question how the potter uses the clay.
It's not just a man I can identify with and empathize with: I share my home with my former mother-in-law, who was rejected by her own daughter, so I can empathize with Ruth, who went with Naomi to a strange land. Not quite the same story with us, but still, an example of someone who stuck with a mother-in-law.
And I can empathize with Jonah because I'm paying the price for not doing what God told me to do in loving my Who the first time around. I get another chance but it's difficult to do and the circumstances are painful to me. Still, though, a second chance is a gift from God, and I'm learning a lot of lessons about loving and trusting God that I otherwise might not have. God prepared a "fish" for me...it's name is Bob.
Of course it is.
And through the suffering, I can relate to Jesus, who suffered far more than I ever will.
The next question was "Where am I in my fight to be Christlike as a man?" Notice the word "fight"? It is and I am. I fight temptation every day. I struggle with the circumstances of my life every minute of every day. Still, I get up, do the best I can. Some days, I'm too tired to fight and all I can say is "no". Other days, I have to fight temptation, urges, the want to quit, the desire to run, the anger, the pain, both physically and emotionally. The financial strain is unbearable at times, but thankfully I have a very small but always necessary safety net. That's the fight. On the upside, I'm giving, forgiving, hospitable, available, and willing. And even though it doesn't make a lick of worldly sense, I'm saying I will instead of I want.
My Who is part of that. I had to align my will and yield every ounce of human understanding to recognize that. It'll come to pass. It's not gonna be today. So I have to fight that fight too. And say no. And say, "that's not for me". And say a lot of things to myself. And trust God. And live out Proverbs 3:5-6 and not use my own understanding. I can't turn back. I won't give up. I absolutely cannot quit.
So with God's help, I'm fighting and winning that fight. Day by day, minute by minute, inch by inch. Without His strength, I would have lost that battle a long time ago.
What are my dreams and where am in in the pursuit of them? That's tough. I have one and I have a goal and a promise. I believe that. The only thing I can do right now is plan for the day when it comes to pass. That involves saving. It involves changing what I need to and responding to what comes along. Sometimes it requires silence and letting go for a bit. Letting go and giving up are two different things, I'm learning. Sometimes there's a time for distance and quiet. Sometimes just being available and willing is enough. I'm doing what I can to be ready for the day. Each day brings me one day closer. Wanna know the dream? Look at my Facebook page yesterday. The three posts I shared pretty much spell out what it is.
So, the last question pretty much sums up where I'm at, which is this: What are the realities of my life?
1) I'm right where God wants me to be.
2) I can't escape the consequences of past failures and sins.
3) God is right here with me.
4) I can't depend on some of the people in my life right now (not my Who!). And sometimes you wind up having to help your fellow man, even when it comes at your expense.
5) These are hard, bitter lessons.
6) The things I'm dealing with, with my Who, are of my own making, but it doesn't change the fact that it's killing me inside.
7) I'm in a lot of physical pain.
8) God restored two of my sons back to me and He is faithful.
9) Even on bad days, I'm so blessed. When I'm hurting financially, there is overtime. When I'm hurting spiritually or emotionally, I have great people to help me. I have enough. I am well blessed.
10) God is GOOD, and this season shall pass.
Those are the realities of my life.
So to sum up, crazy things seem to happen to me. I know God has a plan for me and He's been kind enough to help me understand what that is. I have 17 more payments and I will be out of bankruptcy. I can retire in four years and six months. I'm growing as a Christian. I have relationship with my two sons that I haven't had in years. I have dogs that love me. I have good friends (all y'all) and the best mentor, pastor, and friend a man could hope to have, so I don't fight the fight alone! I've had the most unique experiences as a Christian and I've been able to not only read Scripture, but live out a good part of it. I'm putting it to use and I'm not having a pity party. I'm fighting. I'm becoming the man God wants me to be.
And y'all have a front row seat to witness it.
God is so GOOD! I really mean that.
And as for what happened in church? We learned about joy. And about saying I will instead of I want. For once in my life, what I want is aligned to what God wants for me and accepting that He knows far better than I what's best for me. I fight on with something that doesn't make sense from a worldly standpoint because of that belief. He told me to love her. I said "I will".
I'm reading a book called Daring written by Paul Louis Cole. I've met Mr. Cole on several occasions and he's an interesting man to know. I like the book, but got stuck on page 131 this week because I needed to answer several of the questions he posed to the reader.
The first one was an admonition to recognize the season of life you're in. My life is in a rainy season. God gave me someone to have in my life a few years back and He told me to love her. He told me all about her (hence the meme about loving the broken, hard to love, etc...yesterday) and I loved her until....and because of the until, I decided I didn't need her in my life. And then I fell in love with her, only it was a little bit too late. I've been down that road before, too. Sometimes you lose in life. I accepted it and then the whole thing with the one that shan't be named again showed back up in my life. That was a blessing because I got to see WHY God said NO!
At the end of that, I asked God to pick someone just for me. That, coupled with some extraordinary circumstances led me to my Who and some incredible stories that have me convinced that well, someday..... but not today. That's part of the rainy season.
So is paying for the consequences of Wendi. Forgiven of sin is one thing. Avoiding the consequences isn't always what God has planned, and God used Wendi for some pretty amazing changes in me, that had she not happened, wouldn't have taken place. Painful? Yes. But necessary. I get that.
Then there are the things that happen on any given day that bring more rain. That's what led me to decide that I'm in a rainy season.
So where am I at in my journey? I think an honest answer is that I'm in the informative years of my journey. The young adult years...I'm a lot more mature as a believer. I have faith like I've never known. But I still mess up from time to time (think myWho!) and I still can react in less-than-godly ways if I don't take time to think about things first. I'm learning and maturing. I'm eating the red meat, but every now and again, I need the milk. I don't think God would trust me to help with the Bible study if I wasn't maturing as a Christian. I also don't think some of the stuff that happens now to me will in the future because I'll be a mature Christian someday.
What man has faced what I'm facing now? That's an interesting question. Another part of that question is who in Scripture can I identify with? I have a list:
I can identify with Hosea. It was the words in the first three chapters of Hosea and the admonition about divorce in 1 Corinthians 7 that led me to try to work things out with Wendi as long as I did. (that and some leading and prompting by the Spirit). It didn't end well, but then God extended me some grace and there was my Who, who because of my own decisions, is helping me relate to Hosea again.
I have to own my part.
I can identify with the prodigal's father. I have one of my own and I wish he'd come home.
I can identify with anybody that's been wronged by a brother. But in saying that, I'm reminded by God that who am I to question how the potter uses the clay.
It's not just a man I can identify with and empathize with: I share my home with my former mother-in-law, who was rejected by her own daughter, so I can empathize with Ruth, who went with Naomi to a strange land. Not quite the same story with us, but still, an example of someone who stuck with a mother-in-law.
And I can empathize with Jonah because I'm paying the price for not doing what God told me to do in loving my Who the first time around. I get another chance but it's difficult to do and the circumstances are painful to me. Still, though, a second chance is a gift from God, and I'm learning a lot of lessons about loving and trusting God that I otherwise might not have. God prepared a "fish" for me...it's name is Bob.
Of course it is.
And through the suffering, I can relate to Jesus, who suffered far more than I ever will.
The next question was "Where am I in my fight to be Christlike as a man?" Notice the word "fight"? It is and I am. I fight temptation every day. I struggle with the circumstances of my life every minute of every day. Still, I get up, do the best I can. Some days, I'm too tired to fight and all I can say is "no". Other days, I have to fight temptation, urges, the want to quit, the desire to run, the anger, the pain, both physically and emotionally. The financial strain is unbearable at times, but thankfully I have a very small but always necessary safety net. That's the fight. On the upside, I'm giving, forgiving, hospitable, available, and willing. And even though it doesn't make a lick of worldly sense, I'm saying I will instead of I want.
My Who is part of that. I had to align my will and yield every ounce of human understanding to recognize that. It'll come to pass. It's not gonna be today. So I have to fight that fight too. And say no. And say, "that's not for me". And say a lot of things to myself. And trust God. And live out Proverbs 3:5-6 and not use my own understanding. I can't turn back. I won't give up. I absolutely cannot quit.
So with God's help, I'm fighting and winning that fight. Day by day, minute by minute, inch by inch. Without His strength, I would have lost that battle a long time ago.
What are my dreams and where am in in the pursuit of them? That's tough. I have one and I have a goal and a promise. I believe that. The only thing I can do right now is plan for the day when it comes to pass. That involves saving. It involves changing what I need to and responding to what comes along. Sometimes it requires silence and letting go for a bit. Letting go and giving up are two different things, I'm learning. Sometimes there's a time for distance and quiet. Sometimes just being available and willing is enough. I'm doing what I can to be ready for the day. Each day brings me one day closer. Wanna know the dream? Look at my Facebook page yesterday. The three posts I shared pretty much spell out what it is.
So, the last question pretty much sums up where I'm at, which is this: What are the realities of my life?
1) I'm right where God wants me to be.
2) I can't escape the consequences of past failures and sins.
3) God is right here with me.
4) I can't depend on some of the people in my life right now (not my Who!). And sometimes you wind up having to help your fellow man, even when it comes at your expense.
5) These are hard, bitter lessons.
6) The things I'm dealing with, with my Who, are of my own making, but it doesn't change the fact that it's killing me inside.
7) I'm in a lot of physical pain.
8) God restored two of my sons back to me and He is faithful.
9) Even on bad days, I'm so blessed. When I'm hurting financially, there is overtime. When I'm hurting spiritually or emotionally, I have great people to help me. I have enough. I am well blessed.
10) God is GOOD, and this season shall pass.
Those are the realities of my life.
So to sum up, crazy things seem to happen to me. I know God has a plan for me and He's been kind enough to help me understand what that is. I have 17 more payments and I will be out of bankruptcy. I can retire in four years and six months. I'm growing as a Christian. I have relationship with my two sons that I haven't had in years. I have dogs that love me. I have good friends (all y'all) and the best mentor, pastor, and friend a man could hope to have, so I don't fight the fight alone! I've had the most unique experiences as a Christian and I've been able to not only read Scripture, but live out a good part of it. I'm putting it to use and I'm not having a pity party. I'm fighting. I'm becoming the man God wants me to be.
And y'all have a front row seat to witness it.
God is so GOOD! I really mean that.
And as for what happened in church? We learned about joy. And about saying I will instead of I want. For once in my life, what I want is aligned to what God wants for me and accepting that He knows far better than I what's best for me. I fight on with something that doesn't make sense from a worldly standpoint because of that belief. He told me to love her. I said "I will".
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