I got yelled at
I got yelled at today by a stranger. Over the internet. And the stranger had no idea I was one of the people God was having her yell at.
I have to say straight up I don't see a way forward in where I think I'm supposed to be going. So much so, I seriously started taking down the things in the house I'd left up in hope of a different outcome.
It's been that kind of a day, but God, in His way, kind of let me know some things about me.
One of them is this:
I always want to re-write the story.
To a certain extent, I suppose that's true. I always want to have things be better than they are. If I had my choice, maybe I wouldn't pick the path I'm on. Because in a way, it's re-writing the ending of a story I was OK with the ending of in the first place.
Here's what I mean though about re-writing the ending.
I have Tami Jo's cat in my house. She's a psycho cat and she needs a home where she would be the only pet in it. She doesn't like other cats. She belongs with Tami Jo. The lady that had her disappeared after giving her to June to watch for a couple of weeks. So, instead of taking the cat to the pound, part of me wants to take the cat for an 8 hour car ride to where her original owner is. I want the cat to have a happy ending. At the same time, I have absolutely no desire to even speak to Tami Jo again in this lifetime. We're friends. Always will be. Eternally will be. And part of me hopes that God will provide a reason to both of us about why He said no to us here on earth. Other than the ones He let me learn on my own. On the other hand, the smart man inside of me tells me not to even make that phone call or text message or Facebook IM.
Go smart Dale.
I'm that way with stuff too. Wendi left a tremendous amount of stuff here. I gave her everything I knew to be hers, but she never went through the Christmas stuff. In my mind, it's still her stuff and I want it out of the house. At this point, though, after six years, I think it's pretty evident that it's my stuff now. If she hasn't asked for it in six years, if I don't want it, it's a safe bet I can just give it or toss it away.
But I'm not like that and I want her to have her stuff back.
Maybe I needed to be yelled at?
Maybe I needed to be yelled at.
Sharon, my therapist for 4 sessions did that on the last one. She yelled at me and sent me forth into a cruel world. Best thing she could have done for me and I love her eternally for it.
Me. Feeling a might unloved today. I got fired again on Sunday. For which number of times, I'm unsure, and like I posted earlier, started to go with fired. Packed up some stuff. Started with the idea that I'd just rest and take some time to heal up.
God. Yea, not so much, Dale.
You see I have a choice to make too, and it's honestly not about the things I'm chasing in this world. It's honestly who is driving my proverbial bus? The way forward isn't clear. What I need to be doing is, though, and it's what I don't want to do.
And it's what I want to do at the same time.
Follow Jesus.
So we talked today. OK, He talked today, through His word, through other people, through circumstances that I shared with you yesterday, and the whole thing adds up to this. We're not done yet.
So here we go again.
I am strong enough to go where God is taking me and I am of enough faith to admit that, whether or not I think it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do.
I am off tonight because I'm worn out tired. But the Bible study lesson is ready. And so am I.
Ready to fight another fight, to struggle through another day, where everything seems to be going wrong and backwards. Ready to fight with myself about where my life is headed and more importantly, with whom. Moving along wouldn't exactly be a tough choice to make.
Smart Dale could make that choice in a millisecond.
Smart Dale sometimes makes bad choices because he's too smart for his own good.
So, we let God be God here at Lark Circle. Even Miss June reminded me that it's not time to quit. She can see it. She doesn't necessarily like it, but she sees it and she encourages me when I get to beyond beat down.
As for rewriting bad endings. Been thinking a lot about that. There's just no way to re-write them. But there is a way, I guess, forward from one of them, which will involve not a re-write of an ending, because that story hasn't apparently got one. Creating one isn't going to work either. Because God, who knows all things, is in control.
Seems like the wise thing to do would be to heed that.
So wise Dale will do that, and put Smart Dale to the side.
I have to say straight up I don't see a way forward in where I think I'm supposed to be going. So much so, I seriously started taking down the things in the house I'd left up in hope of a different outcome.
It's been that kind of a day, but God, in His way, kind of let me know some things about me.
One of them is this:
I always want to re-write the story.
To a certain extent, I suppose that's true. I always want to have things be better than they are. If I had my choice, maybe I wouldn't pick the path I'm on. Because in a way, it's re-writing the ending of a story I was OK with the ending of in the first place.
Here's what I mean though about re-writing the ending.
I have Tami Jo's cat in my house. She's a psycho cat and she needs a home where she would be the only pet in it. She doesn't like other cats. She belongs with Tami Jo. The lady that had her disappeared after giving her to June to watch for a couple of weeks. So, instead of taking the cat to the pound, part of me wants to take the cat for an 8 hour car ride to where her original owner is. I want the cat to have a happy ending. At the same time, I have absolutely no desire to even speak to Tami Jo again in this lifetime. We're friends. Always will be. Eternally will be. And part of me hopes that God will provide a reason to both of us about why He said no to us here on earth. Other than the ones He let me learn on my own. On the other hand, the smart man inside of me tells me not to even make that phone call or text message or Facebook IM.
Go smart Dale.
I'm that way with stuff too. Wendi left a tremendous amount of stuff here. I gave her everything I knew to be hers, but she never went through the Christmas stuff. In my mind, it's still her stuff and I want it out of the house. At this point, though, after six years, I think it's pretty evident that it's my stuff now. If she hasn't asked for it in six years, if I don't want it, it's a safe bet I can just give it or toss it away.
But I'm not like that and I want her to have her stuff back.
Maybe I needed to be yelled at?
Maybe I needed to be yelled at.
Sharon, my therapist for 4 sessions did that on the last one. She yelled at me and sent me forth into a cruel world. Best thing she could have done for me and I love her eternally for it.
Me. Feeling a might unloved today. I got fired again on Sunday. For which number of times, I'm unsure, and like I posted earlier, started to go with fired. Packed up some stuff. Started with the idea that I'd just rest and take some time to heal up.
God. Yea, not so much, Dale.
You see I have a choice to make too, and it's honestly not about the things I'm chasing in this world. It's honestly who is driving my proverbial bus? The way forward isn't clear. What I need to be doing is, though, and it's what I don't want to do.
And it's what I want to do at the same time.
Follow Jesus.
So we talked today. OK, He talked today, through His word, through other people, through circumstances that I shared with you yesterday, and the whole thing adds up to this. We're not done yet.
So here we go again.
I am strong enough to go where God is taking me and I am of enough faith to admit that, whether or not I think it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do.
I am off tonight because I'm worn out tired. But the Bible study lesson is ready. And so am I.
Ready to fight another fight, to struggle through another day, where everything seems to be going wrong and backwards. Ready to fight with myself about where my life is headed and more importantly, with whom. Moving along wouldn't exactly be a tough choice to make.
Smart Dale could make that choice in a millisecond.
Smart Dale sometimes makes bad choices because he's too smart for his own good.
So, we let God be God here at Lark Circle. Even Miss June reminded me that it's not time to quit. She can see it. She doesn't necessarily like it, but she sees it and she encourages me when I get to beyond beat down.
As for rewriting bad endings. Been thinking a lot about that. There's just no way to re-write them. But there is a way, I guess, forward from one of them, which will involve not a re-write of an ending, because that story hasn't apparently got one. Creating one isn't going to work either. Because God, who knows all things, is in control.
Seems like the wise thing to do would be to heed that.
So wise Dale will do that, and put Smart Dale to the side.
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