It's gonna be a long summer....

Sometimes the battle within rages.  Yesterday was a good example of that.  There I was, minding my own business, when  I saw a really pretty, in a trashy kind of way, woman.  I was attracted to her so much so that I actually had to trade places with one of the guys I was talking to so I couldn't see her anymore.  She was wearing a black sundress that didn't leave much to the imagination.  You can take the boy out of the 'hood, but it's harder to take the 'hood out of the boy I suppose.  It's funny to me.  I've been to the best beaches in the world and I can look at a woman in a bikini; no big deal.  But trashy is a different story.  Sometimes I wonder why we're attracted to who we are.

What we see sometimes becomes what we want.  I read about this the other day in a little discipleship exercise.  It's why porn has such a disastrous affect on some people, and it's been that way for a very long time. In the Old Testament, Job talks about the covenant he made with his eyes.  Job is a better man than I am, but it's a mark I'm aiming for.  I have a "type" that I'm attracted to and that particular woman fit the bill.  If I'd have been younger, maybe I'd have convinced myself that I'm almost single again and saying hi wouldn't have hurt.

It's a tough battle.  I've been almost single once before and that didn't work out so well.  For the time being, trying to get single isn't working out any better than it has the last seven times.  But then, I knew that was a longshot going in.  I figure once I get the paperwork straightened out, it'll happen but it's not gonna be anytime soon.

So that makes it another long summer.  I really can't date and even if I could there's that ever-present curse I unknowingly placed on myself several years back.  A friend of mine said something about not being able to have a lasting relationship a long time ago.  I told him that women our age expected something to happen by the third date.  There's probably a lot of truth to that and I never thought in a million years I'd find myself in the situation where that's an expectation I myself can't meet.

Walking this narrow path is hard these days when you're in the situation I'm in.  I know how the world thinks of sex these days.  And if I date someone who doesn't understand my faith and I don't explain it right up front, by date #3 she's gonna start wondering about me.  There are Christian dating sites but again, that didn't work out so well.  I said yes.  She said yes.  God said no!  With what happened the last time, I have to understand that right now, almost single isn't cutting it.  

With everything that's been going on I noticed today that I've been slacking off a bit with my daily devotional reading.  I can't find my little book.  It's around here someplace.  Fortunately, though, it's available online and today's scripture reading was John 17.  It's a prayer Jesus prayed before He was arrested, for his disciples, and for those of us that would follow.  He speaks about us being in the world and how we need God's protection from it sometimes.

I needed that.

Well, that's all for today.  I'm off to find a cup of coffee and to get my truck inspected.  Thankfully, I have to work tonight and tomorrow there is plenty of work in the yard to keep my attention focused on that instead of girls in short black sundresses.

It's gonna be a long summer.