Quiet times

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I've been trying to spend a little more quiet time around here lately; trying to be a little more intentional on prayer; trying to listen more and make sense of things.  It's been a week since I looked at my Facebook page.  I think that's been beneficial, but it doesn't stop some of the stuff I see that kind of validates a difficult choice I had to make.

I don't have a dog in the fight of where my life is headed these days.  I've accepted I'm not in control.  I realize that I'm where I'm supposed to be because that's where I am.  I don't understand always, but I do have a bit of peace about it.  Sadness has given way to resignation, and odd glimpses of hope come and go.

Odd things still happen.  Sometimes I think they're validations that the path is unclear but correct.  Sometimes I still don't know, or I won't let myself know that I do know, so I claim to not know.  Maybe disbelief is still a big part, but not as big as trusting in God is these days.

We were talking last night in Bible study about trusting God and why He doesn't just tell us everything.  But I'd hate to have a Stepford Wives relationship with God.  While I'd like mine to be a bit less, um, confusing, at times, I would hate it to just be for an hour on Sunday.  If God told us everything, why would we need faith?  Why would we want to search Him out more?  Why would I need quiet time?

Those are good questions, and sometimes I need to remind myself that if God has a plan, and I have a plan, I'd best scrap mine and join His.

I had something really weird happen to me the other day that reminded me I need to FEAR God.  And that's not a bad thing.  Nothing horrible, mind you, just so inexplicable, something I'd tried to do on my own, that I couldn't and He did, that reminded me that God is far more able than I can fathom.

I'm pondering things more these days.  I'm praying more these days, and praying not for what I want, but for God's will to be done in an intentional way.  Even if I don't understand the outcome ultimately of that specific prayer.

I also find myself taking more mental notes of the things around me.  I had a weird dream the other night (like a drive-in movie dream triple feature) which left me praying for oppressed people.  It's amazing to me how God can connect dots in our lives.

While I still don't have some key answers to life that I'd like right now, I do have the understanding that where I'm at is where God is at work.  I know because He promises never to leave or forsake us.  And I'm curious to what He's up to behind the scenes.

BTW:  Military parades are not necessarily bad.  This one being proposed:  Bad idea.  For lots of reasons.

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