not just a piece of paper
In our society, it seems that this comment is heard more and more. Marriage is just a piece of paper. Have we become so casual about marriage that it boils down to this? Somewhere in the Great Debacle of 2010, which is what the mess will now be referred to, I remember reading a comment that went something like, a divorce is just a piece of paper that undoes the first piece of paper.
I think that I never paid attention to what marriage really was until I realized what it was. I can't tell you how stupid that sounds, but in that little bit of idiocy, there's a genuine nugget of knowledge that cost me a hell of a lot to learn. It wasn't something that I could learn or understand from friends, from this or that, from TV. I had to blow mine completely apart to learn what it was. I learned it from the Bible, from going to church, from doing some research online about it.
Marriage is not a piece of paper. It's not just a promise to your spouse. It's a solemn vow between you, your spouse, and God. Having been divorced twice, I think I kind of had a bad idea of what marriage was. Wendi and I had a lot of fun living in sin. It wasn't until we got married that things changed, and she'd point out that it was me that changed. Maybe that's true, but she did too. I wondered why that was, and I realized it wasn't us that changed, it was the commitment that changed. Circumstances changed, too, and I didn't change with them. I think that the minute we made that commitment, that level of commitment was tested in our relationship. I didn't do so well.
My marriage never had God. Wendi did, but I didn't. I was a worldly man, subject to the temptations and opinions of being worldly instead of godly. What I mean by that is that I didn't realize the significance that God placed on marriage and I had no real faith in God or the fear of Him. I just knew He existed and that Jesus was the Son of God. I knew there was a Holy Spirit, but had no clue what that meant. I believed, but I didn't BELIEVE. God had no role in my relationship with my wife. It was just me and her.
Marriage is a commitment. I look back on the vows, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. I get the death part. Because of the circumstances we created for ourselves, when Wendi left it was like she just died. I needed so many answers and couldn't get them. I wanted to fight FOR our marriage, but the two of us painted ourselves in a corner I couldn't figure a way out of. I finally got to the point where I quit. Not because I wanted to at first, but because I didn't see any way but out. When you break that commitment, sometimes, there isn't any other way out. If you're in an abusive relationship, you need to GET OUT of that relationship, or at least the circumstances.
Marriage is a bond. In the Bible, a passage speaks of man leaving his mother and father and being joined to his wife and they become as one. Do you know your spouse? Can you feel your spouse like he/she is a part of you. Matthew 19:4-6 has a pretty good description of what marriage is.
The Bible is clear on marriage; equally clear on divorce. Jesus says that divorce exists because of the hard hearts of man. God hates divorce and states it clearly in Malachi chapter 2. So can marriages be healed? The bible is clear about the subject. The one exception is the most unfortunate thing that can happen in a marriage. Matthew 19, again is a good source of talking about divorce. But even at that, the Bible gives a description of what's allowable. What it doesn't say is that just because you CAN that you SHOULD, or have to divorce. I looked into this as I started gaining wisdom on the subject and just about every Christian source I could find suggests that you should do everything you can to save your marriage.
Statistics say that about half of the people married today will face the choice of divorce. 50%. One out of two. The statistics for multiple marriages is worse. I wonder if that's because we just don't put the emphasis on the family and marriage as a society that we used to. We're talking about gays marrying when clearly the Bible says marriage is between a man and a woman. I realize we as a society grow, and that America is a country of freedoms, which is a good thing most days, but sometimes, I think we go a bridge too far in trying to accommodate people's feelings because of choices they make. Your choices of who you love and why are your own, but choices have consequences. I'm not judging, nor persecuting anyone. What you do with your life is your business, but sometimes, we have to stand for something.
Today, I'm standing up for MARRIAGE. If yours is in trouble, don't be a sissy. Get some help. See a therapist. Talk to your pastor together. Pick up a book. Try the Bible. Read "getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix as a couple. It's a great book about love. Do something to save your marriage. Make a date and go to a seminar if you can. If you have problems, try to fix them. Take action. Don't dismiss therapy or counseling as quackery or stupid. If you have problems, chances are someone else has had them and maybe you can read about someone else's experiences and gain some tools to help you in your situation. Listen to your spouse. Learn to communicate.
An example of listening and communicating: My wife has a beautiful collection of dishes. What she wanted was, and we never did, was just to go bowling. Ask your spouse what he/she needs, don't just give them what you think they want. Ask what they want and give it to them. If someone's upset about something, don't play it off as trivial or unimportant. If your spouse is upset about something, find out WHY, don't just blow it off as nothing. It might not be important to you, but if your spouse is upset about whatever, obviously it's important to them. Just ask why.
Listen. Learn. Pray together. Live a godly life, not a worldly one. Remember these words: "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow." Ecclesiastes 5:4 (NIV). And understand this:
Marriage is a lot of things and the Bible is contains a wealth of information on what marriage is. What it's not is this:
Just a piece of paper.
I think that I never paid attention to what marriage really was until I realized what it was. I can't tell you how stupid that sounds, but in that little bit of idiocy, there's a genuine nugget of knowledge that cost me a hell of a lot to learn. It wasn't something that I could learn or understand from friends, from this or that, from TV. I had to blow mine completely apart to learn what it was. I learned it from the Bible, from going to church, from doing some research online about it.
Marriage is not a piece of paper. It's not just a promise to your spouse. It's a solemn vow between you, your spouse, and God. Having been divorced twice, I think I kind of had a bad idea of what marriage was. Wendi and I had a lot of fun living in sin. It wasn't until we got married that things changed, and she'd point out that it was me that changed. Maybe that's true, but she did too. I wondered why that was, and I realized it wasn't us that changed, it was the commitment that changed. Circumstances changed, too, and I didn't change with them. I think that the minute we made that commitment, that level of commitment was tested in our relationship. I didn't do so well.
My marriage never had God. Wendi did, but I didn't. I was a worldly man, subject to the temptations and opinions of being worldly instead of godly. What I mean by that is that I didn't realize the significance that God placed on marriage and I had no real faith in God or the fear of Him. I just knew He existed and that Jesus was the Son of God. I knew there was a Holy Spirit, but had no clue what that meant. I believed, but I didn't BELIEVE. God had no role in my relationship with my wife. It was just me and her.
Marriage is a commitment. I look back on the vows, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. I get the death part. Because of the circumstances we created for ourselves, when Wendi left it was like she just died. I needed so many answers and couldn't get them. I wanted to fight FOR our marriage, but the two of us painted ourselves in a corner I couldn't figure a way out of. I finally got to the point where I quit. Not because I wanted to at first, but because I didn't see any way but out. When you break that commitment, sometimes, there isn't any other way out. If you're in an abusive relationship, you need to GET OUT of that relationship, or at least the circumstances.
Marriage is a bond. In the Bible, a passage speaks of man leaving his mother and father and being joined to his wife and they become as one. Do you know your spouse? Can you feel your spouse like he/she is a part of you. Matthew 19:4-6 has a pretty good description of what marriage is.
The Bible is clear on marriage; equally clear on divorce. Jesus says that divorce exists because of the hard hearts of man. God hates divorce and states it clearly in Malachi chapter 2. So can marriages be healed? The bible is clear about the subject. The one exception is the most unfortunate thing that can happen in a marriage. Matthew 19, again is a good source of talking about divorce. But even at that, the Bible gives a description of what's allowable. What it doesn't say is that just because you CAN that you SHOULD, or have to divorce. I looked into this as I started gaining wisdom on the subject and just about every Christian source I could find suggests that you should do everything you can to save your marriage.
Statistics say that about half of the people married today will face the choice of divorce. 50%. One out of two. The statistics for multiple marriages is worse. I wonder if that's because we just don't put the emphasis on the family and marriage as a society that we used to. We're talking about gays marrying when clearly the Bible says marriage is between a man and a woman. I realize we as a society grow, and that America is a country of freedoms, which is a good thing most days, but sometimes, I think we go a bridge too far in trying to accommodate people's feelings because of choices they make. Your choices of who you love and why are your own, but choices have consequences. I'm not judging, nor persecuting anyone. What you do with your life is your business, but sometimes, we have to stand for something.
Today, I'm standing up for MARRIAGE. If yours is in trouble, don't be a sissy. Get some help. See a therapist. Talk to your pastor together. Pick up a book. Try the Bible. Read "getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix as a couple. It's a great book about love. Do something to save your marriage. Make a date and go to a seminar if you can. If you have problems, try to fix them. Take action. Don't dismiss therapy or counseling as quackery or stupid. If you have problems, chances are someone else has had them and maybe you can read about someone else's experiences and gain some tools to help you in your situation. Listen to your spouse. Learn to communicate.
An example of listening and communicating: My wife has a beautiful collection of dishes. What she wanted was, and we never did, was just to go bowling. Ask your spouse what he/she needs, don't just give them what you think they want. Ask what they want and give it to them. If someone's upset about something, don't play it off as trivial or unimportant. If your spouse is upset about something, find out WHY, don't just blow it off as nothing. It might not be important to you, but if your spouse is upset about whatever, obviously it's important to them. Just ask why.
Listen. Learn. Pray together. Live a godly life, not a worldly one. Remember these words: "When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow." Ecclesiastes 5:4 (NIV). And understand this:
Marriage is a lot of things and the Bible is contains a wealth of information on what marriage is. What it's not is this:
Just a piece of paper.
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