A bad Tuesday
As I thought about what to write, what words could I offer someone who has messed up their life as much as I have mine, a lot of the old wounds were opened up again. I had to think about things that happened in my marriage that are very painful to me. I thought, too, about the aftermath and the pain that's been caused because of even such a benign thing as me talking about my life. That lesson was very painful, too.
What words of comfort can I offer someone when I'm looking for the same thing? That's tough. My life these days is a roller-coaster of emotions. Some days are better than others. Today was a hard day, but I think I know what I'd like to say.
Being unfaithful to your spouse is a horrible thing to do. I tend to oversimplify, but in the end, the root cause of me doing what I did boils down to two things. The first was refusing to accept an apology from my wife for something said in anger and the second was that I was being really selfish.
The effects of my selfishness are well known to followers of the blog for a long time. They've read about the things I did, the man I used to be, and know things about me I wish they didn't. What was obvious was that I had no respect or fear of God, nor gave a damn about the consequences of my actions or the feelings of my wife. That was the man I used to be. With God's grace, I'm not that man anymore. To get to the point where I am now, though, I've paid a steep price.
As you pull into your driveway tomorrow, think about this: What would cause me to give up my relationship, my life, and all that I have? That's what the price for my infidelity has been. It's cost me just about everything I had. The woman I love and the friendships were the steep prices I've had to pay for my sins.
I want to share another story with you. A guy I worked with when I was a teenager married the woman he cheated on his first wife with. She used to call him at work frequently. If he wasn't home when he was supposed to be, she was tracking him down. This was in the day before cell phones. I asked him why that was and he explained to me that the bottom line was she was always afraid he'd do to her what he did to his first wife. I thought about that today. When you lose that trust, it's hard to get back. Not impossible, but very difficult.
I want to share this word of encouragement, too, if you happen to find yourself in difficult circumstances in life. Don't be afraid to get help. Your girlfriend who broke up with her husband won't be much help, neither will your best drinking buddy. Get real help. Talk to a pastor. See a counselor. Talk to your spouse frequently about your relationship. Don't fight. Just talk. And, both of you, get right with God. READ your Bible. Do it together. It's not a dust collector. It can bring a great deal of comfort and knowledge. So can accepting the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. It's by His love that I'm able to even talk about these things with you.
I believe that marriages can be saved. An affair can be overcome, but you need to deal with the issues that caused it. You can't do this alone. That much I do know. But I do also know that with God's grace and presence in your home and marriage, He can work wonders and help you along the journey, wherever that may lead you.
It's good advice for all of us. God is always near, always willing to hear from us. The most important thing I think I've learned is that we need to be ready and willing to hear from Him.
Just an editorial note, this is written by me. Wendi didn't look at this today but I wanted to publish something before I went to work.
Tomorrow, I'm going to share some of my views on why it's important to understand what marriage is and why it's worth saving in today's society. (please read the blog post What Is Marriage. It's either in September's or October's archives).
God Bless,
Coop
What words of comfort can I offer someone when I'm looking for the same thing? That's tough. My life these days is a roller-coaster of emotions. Some days are better than others. Today was a hard day, but I think I know what I'd like to say.
Being unfaithful to your spouse is a horrible thing to do. I tend to oversimplify, but in the end, the root cause of me doing what I did boils down to two things. The first was refusing to accept an apology from my wife for something said in anger and the second was that I was being really selfish.
The effects of my selfishness are well known to followers of the blog for a long time. They've read about the things I did, the man I used to be, and know things about me I wish they didn't. What was obvious was that I had no respect or fear of God, nor gave a damn about the consequences of my actions or the feelings of my wife. That was the man I used to be. With God's grace, I'm not that man anymore. To get to the point where I am now, though, I've paid a steep price.
As you pull into your driveway tomorrow, think about this: What would cause me to give up my relationship, my life, and all that I have? That's what the price for my infidelity has been. It's cost me just about everything I had. The woman I love and the friendships were the steep prices I've had to pay for my sins.
I want to share another story with you. A guy I worked with when I was a teenager married the woman he cheated on his first wife with. She used to call him at work frequently. If he wasn't home when he was supposed to be, she was tracking him down. This was in the day before cell phones. I asked him why that was and he explained to me that the bottom line was she was always afraid he'd do to her what he did to his first wife. I thought about that today. When you lose that trust, it's hard to get back. Not impossible, but very difficult.
I want to share this word of encouragement, too, if you happen to find yourself in difficult circumstances in life. Don't be afraid to get help. Your girlfriend who broke up with her husband won't be much help, neither will your best drinking buddy. Get real help. Talk to a pastor. See a counselor. Talk to your spouse frequently about your relationship. Don't fight. Just talk. And, both of you, get right with God. READ your Bible. Do it together. It's not a dust collector. It can bring a great deal of comfort and knowledge. So can accepting the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. It's by His love that I'm able to even talk about these things with you.
I believe that marriages can be saved. An affair can be overcome, but you need to deal with the issues that caused it. You can't do this alone. That much I do know. But I do also know that with God's grace and presence in your home and marriage, He can work wonders and help you along the journey, wherever that may lead you.
It's good advice for all of us. God is always near, always willing to hear from us. The most important thing I think I've learned is that we need to be ready and willing to hear from Him.
Just an editorial note, this is written by me. Wendi didn't look at this today but I wanted to publish something before I went to work.
Tomorrow, I'm going to share some of my views on why it's important to understand what marriage is and why it's worth saving in today's society. (please read the blog post What Is Marriage. It's either in September's or October's archives).
God Bless,
Coop
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