well, what did you expect?
For some reason this morning, I've been thinking about expectations.
I made someone very angry about ten days ago. Hey, that's nothing new. But as I replayed the events out over coffee this morning, I wondered to myself what she expected of me. I thought about this for a while but instead of assigning blame, I wondered if there wasn't a different way I could have handled the situation. For the life of me, I can't find one and my question to myself kind of morphed into one of wondering what she expected me to do.
And, what did I expect her to do. Or anyone else for that matter.
I think I came to the realization that my expectations of others are too high. I expect folks that have known me for years to understand how the drastic changes I've made in some areas of my life came about. I expect those close to me to accept some rational, Biblical explanations for some of the things I do that quite honestly at best seem foolish and at worst seem to borderline on an unhealthy obsession. I expect someone very close to me to accept that I've changed when that person hasn't been around me to see it.
I expect that people will deal honestly and fairly with me; not take advantage of or use my generosity and and trust for personal gain. I expect folks to tell the truth, to answer simple questions without getting hostile, and I expect folks to understand my concerns and take them into consideration when making decisions that affect me. I expect people to understand that I was who I was, but I'm not that now and that my motives for things have changed. That doesn't happen a lot; sometimes it doesn't happen at my own peril and then the question in my mind becomes one of why people think it's OK to treat me that way. Then I'm reminded that nobody said life was fair. Sometimes, as I said before, I'm guilty by association with my old self.
Sometimes, too, I wonder what God expects me to do when I'm trying to live His word and the circumstances I helped create before I found salvation seem to prevent me from doing just that. A quick read through of the Bible on any given subject pretty much spells out what He expects from me. Even when it's hard or seems impossible.
And that's what I try to give. The Bible says to love our enemies, repay evil with good, to love our neighbor, to not divorce, to pay our debts, (and not to get into debt in the first place), to give, to share what we have with those that don't and a litany of other things that come into play, sometimes when you least expect them.
That's what God expects. He doesn't say, well unless this thing, or but if that thing comes up, or the other thing happens this week it's OK if you don't follow my word, just this one time. So this is where expectation turns to wonder:
Sometimes, I wonder what's going to happen in the future. So much of my life is controlled by things I cannot do and rests on the decisions of others. Granted, that's a small group, but it's there just the same. If I'm bound by faith NOT to do something, or bound by faith to DO something that causes problems for me down the road, which do I choose?
I talked once about how the Air Force core values are really interchangeable with Christianity. If I call myself a Christian and don't do my best to live my faith (even when it doesn't make practical, worldly sense), do I have integrity?
Even though I don't have much, if I don't give what I can, share what I can, or take away something from someone who needs it badly (regardless of what the person does to me), is that Service Before Self? Christ Himself told us to deny ourselves and to pick up our cross daily and follow Him. If I'm a Christian, how can I be self-serving, too? It seems the two concepts are incompatible.
Excellence in all I do... that's a tough one because the only standard to achieve is one set by the only One who ever lived that was without sin. I know I'm a sinner (not the worst one, and nowhere near what I was) and I make mistakes. I'm not perfect but when I'm not living up to my full potential, that's where grace, forgiveness, and God's chastening come into play. I don't do a lot of the dumb stuff I used to do because I know a healthy fear of God. I heard this morning that to fear God is the beginning of wisdom. Trust me on this one... and thankfully God didn't give me what I really deserved.
So, back to expectations... My conclusion on the whole matter is this: I never know what to expect but I can tell you what you can expect from me. First off, I'm never going to not discuss my faith. I know there are appropriate times and places and the blog seems to be a good venue to do that. I'm not going to ever be the man I was before. Again, something I learned in the military... If I was willing to lay down my life for my country, how could I go back to the life I lived that was against my God? You can expect me to be honest. What you hear may not make sense, but it is honest. In short, what you see now is what you get. I still find things funny. I still care about what's going on in my friends lives. I'm always going to stand up for what I believe in just like I always have. To my Guard friends... stop and examine that statement for a minute. Did I ever once back down from a fight for what I thought was right and when right changed and I didn't I stand by my principles and retire rather than give in to what I thought was wrong? I may not have won all the battles, but I fought them, again sometimes at my own peril.
What did you expect me to do when I became a Christian?
I made someone very angry about ten days ago. Hey, that's nothing new. But as I replayed the events out over coffee this morning, I wondered to myself what she expected of me. I thought about this for a while but instead of assigning blame, I wondered if there wasn't a different way I could have handled the situation. For the life of me, I can't find one and my question to myself kind of morphed into one of wondering what she expected me to do.
And, what did I expect her to do. Or anyone else for that matter.
I think I came to the realization that my expectations of others are too high. I expect folks that have known me for years to understand how the drastic changes I've made in some areas of my life came about. I expect those close to me to accept some rational, Biblical explanations for some of the things I do that quite honestly at best seem foolish and at worst seem to borderline on an unhealthy obsession. I expect someone very close to me to accept that I've changed when that person hasn't been around me to see it.
I expect that people will deal honestly and fairly with me; not take advantage of or use my generosity and and trust for personal gain. I expect folks to tell the truth, to answer simple questions without getting hostile, and I expect folks to understand my concerns and take them into consideration when making decisions that affect me. I expect people to understand that I was who I was, but I'm not that now and that my motives for things have changed. That doesn't happen a lot; sometimes it doesn't happen at my own peril and then the question in my mind becomes one of why people think it's OK to treat me that way. Then I'm reminded that nobody said life was fair. Sometimes, as I said before, I'm guilty by association with my old self.
Sometimes, too, I wonder what God expects me to do when I'm trying to live His word and the circumstances I helped create before I found salvation seem to prevent me from doing just that. A quick read through of the Bible on any given subject pretty much spells out what He expects from me. Even when it's hard or seems impossible.
And that's what I try to give. The Bible says to love our enemies, repay evil with good, to love our neighbor, to not divorce, to pay our debts, (and not to get into debt in the first place), to give, to share what we have with those that don't and a litany of other things that come into play, sometimes when you least expect them.
That's what God expects. He doesn't say, well unless this thing, or but if that thing comes up, or the other thing happens this week it's OK if you don't follow my word, just this one time. So this is where expectation turns to wonder:
Sometimes, I wonder what's going to happen in the future. So much of my life is controlled by things I cannot do and rests on the decisions of others. Granted, that's a small group, but it's there just the same. If I'm bound by faith NOT to do something, or bound by faith to DO something that causes problems for me down the road, which do I choose?
I talked once about how the Air Force core values are really interchangeable with Christianity. If I call myself a Christian and don't do my best to live my faith (even when it doesn't make practical, worldly sense), do I have integrity?
Even though I don't have much, if I don't give what I can, share what I can, or take away something from someone who needs it badly (regardless of what the person does to me), is that Service Before Self? Christ Himself told us to deny ourselves and to pick up our cross daily and follow Him. If I'm a Christian, how can I be self-serving, too? It seems the two concepts are incompatible.
Excellence in all I do... that's a tough one because the only standard to achieve is one set by the only One who ever lived that was without sin. I know I'm a sinner (not the worst one, and nowhere near what I was) and I make mistakes. I'm not perfect but when I'm not living up to my full potential, that's where grace, forgiveness, and God's chastening come into play. I don't do a lot of the dumb stuff I used to do because I know a healthy fear of God. I heard this morning that to fear God is the beginning of wisdom. Trust me on this one... and thankfully God didn't give me what I really deserved.
So, back to expectations... My conclusion on the whole matter is this: I never know what to expect but I can tell you what you can expect from me. First off, I'm never going to not discuss my faith. I know there are appropriate times and places and the blog seems to be a good venue to do that. I'm not going to ever be the man I was before. Again, something I learned in the military... If I was willing to lay down my life for my country, how could I go back to the life I lived that was against my God? You can expect me to be honest. What you hear may not make sense, but it is honest. In short, what you see now is what you get. I still find things funny. I still care about what's going on in my friends lives. I'm always going to stand up for what I believe in just like I always have. To my Guard friends... stop and examine that statement for a minute. Did I ever once back down from a fight for what I thought was right and when right changed and I didn't I stand by my principles and retire rather than give in to what I thought was wrong? I may not have won all the battles, but I fought them, again sometimes at my own peril.
What did you expect me to do when I became a Christian?
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