Things I will never understand (revised)
ed note: The door I talked about being closed now open was having a relationship with my youngest son. I'm very excited about this. Someone thought I was eluding to something else so I fixed the remark. I don't talk a lot about my kids on my blog because they're kids. But it's important to clarify this remark. so I'll make an exception in this case.
I will never understand the journey I've been on since last September. Perhaps when I die, I will have it explained to me but I don't know and never in this lifetime understand why God took me where He did.
I made the best of the chance I had to reconcile my marriage but there is just no going back after today. The old me would have shared every juicy detail. The new me is happy that Wendi gave some things to God and I hope for her that she stays on that path.
Wendi and my story ends this way: And they lived happily ever after... apart.
It's really funny in an ironic sort of way. I came to this realization on Wednesday. I tried though because God hates divorce and I couldn't reconcile myself to divorcing Wendi and disobeying God. I don't think I am. I didn't make the choice. It was made for me, not by me.
So be it.
The really sad thing is that I really don't care. I love Wendi but it's her life to live. Mine will be terrific. A door opened for me that I thought was shut permanently. I heard from my youngest son! Yay! You just never know.
I'm a new me. I'll have a new place to live very soon. I'm still hoping to get to Oregon, but wherever God takes me is fine. I should be a lot of things tonight, but the one thing I am, believe it or not, is VERY HAPPY!
The unknown, the not knowing, the uncertainty, well, it's gone and that's a relief. What I am tonight is happy. I tried, I failed, but I gave it my best shot. I helped Wendi along the way and while some may say she was using me, I don't think so. She has to answer to God, not to you, not to me. If you're without sin, you throw the first insult. Me, I'm a sinner just like she is, just like you are, and anything I did for her was with the best of intentions and in the finest Christian tradition of loving your neighbor.
And I give glory to God for allowing me to try to fix what I'd broken. I couldn't but hopefully I helped Wendi see something yesterday that she heard from her pastor today.
Wyatt deserves to have his mom and dad. I hope they find a way to make a great life for him. He's a cutie and I will always remember how much fun it was to hold him, feed him. He kind of stole my heart and for his sake, I hope things work out for the best. I guess if I can wish the people that hurt me well and really, really mean it, then something in me has changed in me. I know I did what I could to help him have a good start.
And, dear readers, thanks for coming along the journey with me. You should have learned a ton about life, about faith, and about not losing it just because you didn't get what you want. If it'd been in God's perfect plan for me, Wendi would be here. Obviously He has another direction He wants to take me so I'm not heartbroken. In fact, I'm anything but. I know whatever happens in my life is His will. I gave my life to Him so I know He's not going to do anything to harm me.
Other people can try but they'll just fail and have me laughing for the attempt.
I said I'd handle this with dignity and grace. I figured dignity meant me being all stoic and a quivering bottom lip. I didn't realize it would be like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
God is amazing. I hope He continues to work in my life the way He has been. It's hurt, but boy have I learned some really neat things along the way. I'll never understand the detour back to Wendi but He has His reasons and while I don't understand them, I do understand that I don't need to. I just have to accept what comes my way as His will.
Faith is a wonderful thing to have.
I will never understand the journey I've been on since last September. Perhaps when I die, I will have it explained to me but I don't know and never in this lifetime understand why God took me where He did.
I made the best of the chance I had to reconcile my marriage but there is just no going back after today. The old me would have shared every juicy detail. The new me is happy that Wendi gave some things to God and I hope for her that she stays on that path.
Wendi and my story ends this way: And they lived happily ever after... apart.
It's really funny in an ironic sort of way. I came to this realization on Wednesday. I tried though because God hates divorce and I couldn't reconcile myself to divorcing Wendi and disobeying God. I don't think I am. I didn't make the choice. It was made for me, not by me.
So be it.
The really sad thing is that I really don't care. I love Wendi but it's her life to live. Mine will be terrific. A door opened for me that I thought was shut permanently. I heard from my youngest son! Yay! You just never know.
I'm a new me. I'll have a new place to live very soon. I'm still hoping to get to Oregon, but wherever God takes me is fine. I should be a lot of things tonight, but the one thing I am, believe it or not, is VERY HAPPY!
The unknown, the not knowing, the uncertainty, well, it's gone and that's a relief. What I am tonight is happy. I tried, I failed, but I gave it my best shot. I helped Wendi along the way and while some may say she was using me, I don't think so. She has to answer to God, not to you, not to me. If you're without sin, you throw the first insult. Me, I'm a sinner just like she is, just like you are, and anything I did for her was with the best of intentions and in the finest Christian tradition of loving your neighbor.
And I give glory to God for allowing me to try to fix what I'd broken. I couldn't but hopefully I helped Wendi see something yesterday that she heard from her pastor today.
Wyatt deserves to have his mom and dad. I hope they find a way to make a great life for him. He's a cutie and I will always remember how much fun it was to hold him, feed him. He kind of stole my heart and for his sake, I hope things work out for the best. I guess if I can wish the people that hurt me well and really, really mean it, then something in me has changed in me. I know I did what I could to help him have a good start.
And, dear readers, thanks for coming along the journey with me. You should have learned a ton about life, about faith, and about not losing it just because you didn't get what you want. If it'd been in God's perfect plan for me, Wendi would be here. Obviously He has another direction He wants to take me so I'm not heartbroken. In fact, I'm anything but. I know whatever happens in my life is His will. I gave my life to Him so I know He's not going to do anything to harm me.
Other people can try but they'll just fail and have me laughing for the attempt.
I said I'd handle this with dignity and grace. I figured dignity meant me being all stoic and a quivering bottom lip. I didn't realize it would be like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.
God is amazing. I hope He continues to work in my life the way He has been. It's hurt, but boy have I learned some really neat things along the way. I'll never understand the detour back to Wendi but He has His reasons and while I don't understand them, I do understand that I don't need to. I just have to accept what comes my way as His will.
Faith is a wonderful thing to have.
Comments
Post a Comment