Do actions speak louder than words?
Gang,
I wrote this earlier in the week. I was going to expound on "weird" but I think that's going to wait for another day.
I had a lot of time to think about this over the weekend during the fishing trip because I didn't want my friends seeing me say one thing about myself and seeing the old Coop they knew. I have one friend who I knew would be my harshest critic and he didn't disappoint. I had to endure a lot of him saying this and that, a small amount of ridicule in front of the other guys, and a couple of questions about my behavior.
I was careful about what I said. I slipped once when someone said something outrageous and I took the Lord's name in vain. I wonder if my friends even noticed, but as soon as it came out of my mouth, right in the middle of a poker game (I neither won nor lost any money the two nights we played Texas hold 'em and was playing for a worthy cause if I was fortunate enough to win) I stopped and prayed for forgiveness. It was this same guy that made a comment about me having a beer or two and playing cards with my friends. I was surprised that other friends actually came to my defense. I have to admit something, I was so concerned about how my friends might have seen my recreational activities that I looked up drinking and gambling on one of my favorite Christian websites. Their take on gambling: Love of money is a sin. Their take on drinking, the Bible says don't be a drunkard but if your drinking can give the impression of impropriety then you should probably avoid it for that reason. My military friends should be familiar with that concept. Just because it's not against any regulation, if it makes the service look bad, you're guilty. Actions speak loudly.
I openly read my Bible and actually shared a wonderful talk with my very critical friend and read him a scripture from Jeremiah. It's easy to say you've changed, but somewhat harder to let your actions speak for you. I had nice talks with a couple of my friends about my faith and how it changed my life. I wanted to show them you can be happy, have fun, and not be involved with the bad things I left behind. I hope I succeeded because right actions would bring glory to God, not to myself and that's what I wanted to do.
Actions DO speak louder than words but in my opinion, not the way we think. When people say hurtful things to us, their words speak louder than their actions. When people say nice things then turn around and do hurtful things to us, then their actions speak louder than their words. Think about this for a minute. How harshly do we judge people who proclaim great faith in God, only to give into temptation? It hurts Christianity when this happens because we as humans automatically expect the worst from people and have an natural unwillingness to forgive.
Part of my weird week has involved sharing some e-mails about forgiveness with someone very close to me. They're very timely e-mails because quite frankly, it's a huge issue right now. I was thinking about that this morning, too. Yes, I'd like to have forgiveness from this person and I think it would be a help to both of us but I can't control or change that. I accept that not every person is willing, or quite frankly, capable of forgiving. I know there was a time when I wasn't. My actions last summer demonstrated that because I was unwilling to forgive.
As I grew as a Christian, though, I began to see that even my new actions had room for improvement and I changed them. I think from about the last part of September, my actions have demonstrated a significant change and pretty much match my words. I've grown quite a bit, even in just the last week. The thing is this, though... will my actions that clearly show that something hurtful I said and to me I clearly didn't and don't mean change anything? Honestly, I really don't know.
Sometimes you can say something so mean, so cruel, that you can rock a person to their core. Julie did it to me; I did it to her. Wendi did it to me; I did it to her. I could go into a long story about this or that and who did what to who, but it really doesn't matter. You see, friends and readers it used to be that if you hurt me, I went for the jugular. No explanation, no forgiveness, no nothing.
We all know someone like this: On the outside, as long as you never wrong him/her they're great people and fun to be around. However, if you get on his/her bad side, look out because they'll stop at nothing to repay you. I was a lot like that. Every thing was fine with me as long as you didn't hurt me. You hurt me though, and it was game over and I didn't give a damn what I did to you in the process. I'm very ashamed of two things, the first one is that I was like that in the first place, and the second, and more shameful, was that I was very good at it.
I used to have this gigantic hole in my heart and really think I just wanted to be loved. Wendi could have done just about anything to me but tell me she was going to leave and I would have been OK. I could never make her see that to me that's the worst thing she could have ever done. The things I said to her after she said this to me were me being the guy I just described to you above. Did I mean them? NO! Did I say them? Yes. Can I unsay them? Apparently they were a bridge too far. My problem was that I was looking for her to fill the huge hole in my heart I had and she couldn't. Shellie couldn't. Julie couldn't either. Only Jesus could.
I talk a lot about my faith because I can't explain to you the joy I have at having that hole filled. What I think though is it's hard for people to understand that you don't change everything overnight. Some changes are instantaneous to be sure. Some things take a little time because if you're carrying a lot of baggage, it takes time to unfold and put away all that stuff once and for all. Other habits are hard to break and take time.
You don't know what that one thing you'll say in a moment of anger will be that will destroy a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes your words will speak more than actions because like I used to be, to me, almost two years ago, you say it, you mean it. My wifey is the same way. I couldn't see at the time her actions spoke louder than the words that devastated me; she can't see that the words I said to her were out of anger and hurt and that my actions, especially since last October, have spoken more to how I feel about her than any words I could ever say.
The actions are there. She's having a hard time getting past the words because in the end, if I understood her correctly, the words hurt her more than the 10,000,000 things I did to show her I loved her in my own weird, little mixed up way. And I understand this completely because I was the same way. She showed me 10,000,000 little ways she loved me but said one thing in anger and hurt that made me toss those aside. I said two things to her that make her feel the exact same way she made me feel.
We as people do this often, and it's not just me and the Mrs. You hear it all the time: One bad thing wipes out a slate full of good things because one bad action does erase a lot of good in the minds of Man. Bad actions speak louder than kind words. Bad words speak louder than kind actions.
So what's the moral? We need to change as human beings how we view these things. We need to be open and accepting that people make mistakes and willing to listen to the reasons why. We need to understand that words said in anger shouldn't be taken to heart automatically. Maybe we ought to look at what caused that anger in the first place and fix our part in that. Finally, we need to learn to forgive as Christ is willing to forgive us our sins.
I've tried to show by actions to everyone that I'm not the man I used to be. I still like some of the same things, like having a beer or two and playing poker for fun but if those things are going to cast the changes in me I've made in a negative light, then I can live without them. I like who I am now and I wouldn't trade this feeling of joy I have for anything in this world.
And, friends, if my actions aren't matching my words, I expect you to call me out on it.
I wrote this earlier in the week. I was going to expound on "weird" but I think that's going to wait for another day.
I had a lot of time to think about this over the weekend during the fishing trip because I didn't want my friends seeing me say one thing about myself and seeing the old Coop they knew. I have one friend who I knew would be my harshest critic and he didn't disappoint. I had to endure a lot of him saying this and that, a small amount of ridicule in front of the other guys, and a couple of questions about my behavior.
I was careful about what I said. I slipped once when someone said something outrageous and I took the Lord's name in vain. I wonder if my friends even noticed, but as soon as it came out of my mouth, right in the middle of a poker game (I neither won nor lost any money the two nights we played Texas hold 'em and was playing for a worthy cause if I was fortunate enough to win) I stopped and prayed for forgiveness. It was this same guy that made a comment about me having a beer or two and playing cards with my friends. I was surprised that other friends actually came to my defense. I have to admit something, I was so concerned about how my friends might have seen my recreational activities that I looked up drinking and gambling on one of my favorite Christian websites. Their take on gambling: Love of money is a sin. Their take on drinking, the Bible says don't be a drunkard but if your drinking can give the impression of impropriety then you should probably avoid it for that reason. My military friends should be familiar with that concept. Just because it's not against any regulation, if it makes the service look bad, you're guilty. Actions speak loudly.
I openly read my Bible and actually shared a wonderful talk with my very critical friend and read him a scripture from Jeremiah. It's easy to say you've changed, but somewhat harder to let your actions speak for you. I had nice talks with a couple of my friends about my faith and how it changed my life. I wanted to show them you can be happy, have fun, and not be involved with the bad things I left behind. I hope I succeeded because right actions would bring glory to God, not to myself and that's what I wanted to do.
Actions DO speak louder than words but in my opinion, not the way we think. When people say hurtful things to us, their words speak louder than their actions. When people say nice things then turn around and do hurtful things to us, then their actions speak louder than their words. Think about this for a minute. How harshly do we judge people who proclaim great faith in God, only to give into temptation? It hurts Christianity when this happens because we as humans automatically expect the worst from people and have an natural unwillingness to forgive.
Part of my weird week has involved sharing some e-mails about forgiveness with someone very close to me. They're very timely e-mails because quite frankly, it's a huge issue right now. I was thinking about that this morning, too. Yes, I'd like to have forgiveness from this person and I think it would be a help to both of us but I can't control or change that. I accept that not every person is willing, or quite frankly, capable of forgiving. I know there was a time when I wasn't. My actions last summer demonstrated that because I was unwilling to forgive.
As I grew as a Christian, though, I began to see that even my new actions had room for improvement and I changed them. I think from about the last part of September, my actions have demonstrated a significant change and pretty much match my words. I've grown quite a bit, even in just the last week. The thing is this, though... will my actions that clearly show that something hurtful I said and to me I clearly didn't and don't mean change anything? Honestly, I really don't know.
Sometimes you can say something so mean, so cruel, that you can rock a person to their core. Julie did it to me; I did it to her. Wendi did it to me; I did it to her. I could go into a long story about this or that and who did what to who, but it really doesn't matter. You see, friends and readers it used to be that if you hurt me, I went for the jugular. No explanation, no forgiveness, no nothing.
We all know someone like this: On the outside, as long as you never wrong him/her they're great people and fun to be around. However, if you get on his/her bad side, look out because they'll stop at nothing to repay you. I was a lot like that. Every thing was fine with me as long as you didn't hurt me. You hurt me though, and it was game over and I didn't give a damn what I did to you in the process. I'm very ashamed of two things, the first one is that I was like that in the first place, and the second, and more shameful, was that I was very good at it.
I used to have this gigantic hole in my heart and really think I just wanted to be loved. Wendi could have done just about anything to me but tell me she was going to leave and I would have been OK. I could never make her see that to me that's the worst thing she could have ever done. The things I said to her after she said this to me were me being the guy I just described to you above. Did I mean them? NO! Did I say them? Yes. Can I unsay them? Apparently they were a bridge too far. My problem was that I was looking for her to fill the huge hole in my heart I had and she couldn't. Shellie couldn't. Julie couldn't either. Only Jesus could.
I talk a lot about my faith because I can't explain to you the joy I have at having that hole filled. What I think though is it's hard for people to understand that you don't change everything overnight. Some changes are instantaneous to be sure. Some things take a little time because if you're carrying a lot of baggage, it takes time to unfold and put away all that stuff once and for all. Other habits are hard to break and take time.
You don't know what that one thing you'll say in a moment of anger will be that will destroy a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes your words will speak more than actions because like I used to be, to me, almost two years ago, you say it, you mean it. My wifey is the same way. I couldn't see at the time her actions spoke louder than the words that devastated me; she can't see that the words I said to her were out of anger and hurt and that my actions, especially since last October, have spoken more to how I feel about her than any words I could ever say.
The actions are there. She's having a hard time getting past the words because in the end, if I understood her correctly, the words hurt her more than the 10,000,000 things I did to show her I loved her in my own weird, little mixed up way. And I understand this completely because I was the same way. She showed me 10,000,000 little ways she loved me but said one thing in anger and hurt that made me toss those aside. I said two things to her that make her feel the exact same way she made me feel.
We as people do this often, and it's not just me and the Mrs. You hear it all the time: One bad thing wipes out a slate full of good things because one bad action does erase a lot of good in the minds of Man. Bad actions speak louder than kind words. Bad words speak louder than kind actions.
So what's the moral? We need to change as human beings how we view these things. We need to be open and accepting that people make mistakes and willing to listen to the reasons why. We need to understand that words said in anger shouldn't be taken to heart automatically. Maybe we ought to look at what caused that anger in the first place and fix our part in that. Finally, we need to learn to forgive as Christ is willing to forgive us our sins.
I've tried to show by actions to everyone that I'm not the man I used to be. I still like some of the same things, like having a beer or two and playing poker for fun but if those things are going to cast the changes in me I've made in a negative light, then I can live without them. I like who I am now and I wouldn't trade this feeling of joy I have for anything in this world.
And, friends, if my actions aren't matching my words, I expect you to call me out on it.
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