Moo the cat
As we wind down operations here at Lark Circle Farm, we thought it a good idea to "thin the herd" as it were of the wild pussycat family that has taken up residence. I have a new appreciation for the "spay and neuter" crowd because one little stray pussycat turned into 13 over the course of a couple of years.
That cat, though, is MEAN and I had a choice. Keep the pussycats around to keep the rats and mice down (they come in out of the foothills in the winter) or try to trap that nasty sucker. We're down to I think four pussycats. Two showed up that aren't ours but they'll be gone too in a couple of weeks. It won't be too much longer before the vermin problem isn't mine anyway.
There was one pussycat, though, that wasn't going to make it outside. I named him "moo". I don't know why, he's a grey tiger striped pussycat with this little black mark on his right back foot. He's a bitty little thing for a pussycat at his age.
We're trying to socialize him and he's getting better as the days go by. I didn't see him for the first two weeks he was in the house. The box got used and food disappeared but no cat.
Moo is a bit skittish. I think he's afraid of people, afraid of being hurt, so he doesn't come out much. He ventured up on the bed last night when I happened to be awake for no reason. When I went to touch him, he bolted. He does that a lot.
He's not as afraid of the immigrant as he is me. If she has him, he'll let me pet him for a bit. Just a while ago I had him on the bed and he was all lovey dovey, but it won't surprise me that the next time I see him in the house, he'll run.
There's a parallel between Moo the cat and something else on my mind. It's running away because you're afraid to get hurt.
Wendi and I split up a year ago. We've broken up twice in that year and we're not even divorced. Some people are just meant to be together and after yesterday, I'm smart enough to know that someway, somehow this little story ain't done yet. We've hurt each other just about as much as two people can and we keep finding ways to do it; regardless of our intentions.
Yet neither of us wants to let go, either. We keep running away from each other because we're both afraid of the hurt, of what will happen. I made a very incorrect assumption on Sunday that surely God wouldn't want to keep me in this nightmare; yesterday I think He let me know that, in fact, that's what His intention is, at least for the short term.
I need to stay out of God's business. When I stick my big nose (and it's a big nose!) in it, I just make it worse even when I try to make it better. I used to tell people I didn't have any feelings and I think for a long time that was true. Feelings, I found out, grow back, and the second time this year Wendi and I broke up hurt about a hundred times worse than the first time, and that one drove me into therapy and cost me 70 pounds and a lot of time off work.
I think I'm down five pounds already and it's just been since Saturday. I have that stomach-tied-up-in-knots feeling and this time it won't go away. I am finding some sleep, though.
It's ironic funny; I was really OK with letting go. I actually found the one thing I wouldn't tolerate and said it's time to be done. I forgot one rather large detail; I forgot to clear the press release with God. He has other plans.
For both Wendi and my Facebook friends (all three of you), I want to share some things with you: The ugly side of someone was me, all butt-hurt about something. On the way to work today, though, the church in Layton was kind enough to remind me of this: Love is not jealous. I forgot that last week, but I still think I have a right to be upset about the situation. Funny, I never used to be a jealous guy. For what it's worth, in the context of the week it wasn't that ugly. I just caved in to something I thought was a bridge too far.
If you look at the wife's facebook page (ain't WyWy a cutie?) you'll see a link to a song I told her about yesterday by JJ Heller. Says more about how I feel for her than I ever could and it's a terrific song about what love really means. I heard this song exactly one time in my life before yesterday. That's how moving it was. It stuck with me after only hearing it once.
After I announced my infamous "Done!" post on Sunday, the other half e-mailed me and made me realize that, although she kept telling me that, she didn't really mean it. What I think she meant now was that we were on a break again. I gotta learn to speak woman. For what it's worth, I was never happy about the outcome. The relief I felt at having an outcome is what I was speaking to. As bad as I feel today, I need to correct another statement I made: I do care. A hell of a lot more than I thought I did.
Hopefully, that explains the comment about Utahns ordering something and complaining they got what they ordered instead of what they wanted on my Facebook page. It's clear to me Wendi doesn't want this either, but like Moo the cat, she's afraid to get too close again. So am I right now, so I don't know what's going to happen.
We're both a mess. Fortunately, after talking to a friend at work who didn't think I was a lunatic, I found some clarity. Time is what's called for and space. Space we have, time we do too.
And I learned something else tonight. I was very blessed on Monday evening. I got to experience and recognize something for what it was. God talked to me through His word. He is real, he does care, and does intervene sometimes when you're messing up His perfect plan for you. I'd be very remiss if I didn't give God glory for, and acknowledge that God is, and is working in my life.
After all, I gave it to Him to do with what pleases Him. I shouldn't be surprised when He does that.
God Bless all y'all. And do me a favor... do something unusual for your spouse today. Don't buy them anything. Do something for them that says this one simple little thing:
I love you for you!
That cat, though, is MEAN and I had a choice. Keep the pussycats around to keep the rats and mice down (they come in out of the foothills in the winter) or try to trap that nasty sucker. We're down to I think four pussycats. Two showed up that aren't ours but they'll be gone too in a couple of weeks. It won't be too much longer before the vermin problem isn't mine anyway.
There was one pussycat, though, that wasn't going to make it outside. I named him "moo". I don't know why, he's a grey tiger striped pussycat with this little black mark on his right back foot. He's a bitty little thing for a pussycat at his age.
We're trying to socialize him and he's getting better as the days go by. I didn't see him for the first two weeks he was in the house. The box got used and food disappeared but no cat.
Moo is a bit skittish. I think he's afraid of people, afraid of being hurt, so he doesn't come out much. He ventured up on the bed last night when I happened to be awake for no reason. When I went to touch him, he bolted. He does that a lot.
He's not as afraid of the immigrant as he is me. If she has him, he'll let me pet him for a bit. Just a while ago I had him on the bed and he was all lovey dovey, but it won't surprise me that the next time I see him in the house, he'll run.
There's a parallel between Moo the cat and something else on my mind. It's running away because you're afraid to get hurt.
Wendi and I split up a year ago. We've broken up twice in that year and we're not even divorced. Some people are just meant to be together and after yesterday, I'm smart enough to know that someway, somehow this little story ain't done yet. We've hurt each other just about as much as two people can and we keep finding ways to do it; regardless of our intentions.
Yet neither of us wants to let go, either. We keep running away from each other because we're both afraid of the hurt, of what will happen. I made a very incorrect assumption on Sunday that surely God wouldn't want to keep me in this nightmare; yesterday I think He let me know that, in fact, that's what His intention is, at least for the short term.
I need to stay out of God's business. When I stick my big nose (and it's a big nose!) in it, I just make it worse even when I try to make it better. I used to tell people I didn't have any feelings and I think for a long time that was true. Feelings, I found out, grow back, and the second time this year Wendi and I broke up hurt about a hundred times worse than the first time, and that one drove me into therapy and cost me 70 pounds and a lot of time off work.
I think I'm down five pounds already and it's just been since Saturday. I have that stomach-tied-up-in-knots feeling and this time it won't go away. I am finding some sleep, though.
It's ironic funny; I was really OK with letting go. I actually found the one thing I wouldn't tolerate and said it's time to be done. I forgot one rather large detail; I forgot to clear the press release with God. He has other plans.
For both Wendi and my Facebook friends (all three of you), I want to share some things with you: The ugly side of someone was me, all butt-hurt about something. On the way to work today, though, the church in Layton was kind enough to remind me of this: Love is not jealous. I forgot that last week, but I still think I have a right to be upset about the situation. Funny, I never used to be a jealous guy. For what it's worth, in the context of the week it wasn't that ugly. I just caved in to something I thought was a bridge too far.
If you look at the wife's facebook page (ain't WyWy a cutie?) you'll see a link to a song I told her about yesterday by JJ Heller. Says more about how I feel for her than I ever could and it's a terrific song about what love really means. I heard this song exactly one time in my life before yesterday. That's how moving it was. It stuck with me after only hearing it once.
After I announced my infamous "Done!" post on Sunday, the other half e-mailed me and made me realize that, although she kept telling me that, she didn't really mean it. What I think she meant now was that we were on a break again. I gotta learn to speak woman. For what it's worth, I was never happy about the outcome. The relief I felt at having an outcome is what I was speaking to. As bad as I feel today, I need to correct another statement I made: I do care. A hell of a lot more than I thought I did.
Hopefully, that explains the comment about Utahns ordering something and complaining they got what they ordered instead of what they wanted on my Facebook page. It's clear to me Wendi doesn't want this either, but like Moo the cat, she's afraid to get too close again. So am I right now, so I don't know what's going to happen.
We're both a mess. Fortunately, after talking to a friend at work who didn't think I was a lunatic, I found some clarity. Time is what's called for and space. Space we have, time we do too.
And I learned something else tonight. I was very blessed on Monday evening. I got to experience and recognize something for what it was. God talked to me through His word. He is real, he does care, and does intervene sometimes when you're messing up His perfect plan for you. I'd be very remiss if I didn't give God glory for, and acknowledge that God is, and is working in my life.
After all, I gave it to Him to do with what pleases Him. I shouldn't be surprised when He does that.
God Bless all y'all. And do me a favor... do something unusual for your spouse today. Don't buy them anything. Do something for them that says this one simple little thing:
I love you for you!
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