Just deal with it.

I wish i felt better.  I had to postpone lunch with a friend today because honestly, I don't think I could eat. The throat is still a little scratchy but some Dayquil capsules and Ibuprofen ought to fix that little problem. A cold, like everything else, is something you deal with.  Two days of rest is enough.  Today it's drugs and work.

If you're a frequent reader of the blog, you can probably tell when I'm writing about something I enjoy, vs just writing to take my mind off things that tend to weigh heavy on it.  I thought the tractor piece, at least for me, was pretty well written; with the exception of telling y'all I'm going to tear apart the tiller motor instead of tossing it.  Maybe it can be fixed, too.  Who knows?  I do know for sure it'll need a new piston.

I try to take things in stride.  I really do.  But I have these things called feelings.  I don't know where they come from, how they grew back, or sometimes, quite honestly, how to deal with them.  The biggest one I've been dealing with lately is a brand new one for me.  It's called "lonely".

For example, I had a good Christian friend at work but he was transferred to another shift, so I don't have anyone at work who I can relate to.  Most of the guys I work with are what you'd expect in a blue collar airplane hangar setting (my AF friends can relate).  I understand guys like that.  I'm just not one of them anymore.  There's a guy at work who likes to talk sports with me but I don't enjoy talking to him, not because of any other reason than every other word out of his mouth is disparaging to either my Heavenly Father or my Lord and Savior.  It hurts my heart so I try not to speak with him.  I've mentioned it to him before but he doesn't seem to care how I feel about the matter.  Honestly, I think it's so a part of his vocabulary he probably doesn't even realize anymore what he's saying.  I've been there.  I know how that happens.

I don't see Miss June much either.  She's focused these days on the relationships she ought to and that's a blessing.  I'm happy that's happening but it makes the house a little lonely.  I used to have a friend I could talk to about things in my life but God intervened in that as well.  His will, not mine.

Lonely kind of sneaks up on you.  In fact, I didn't realize it until this morning.  It's partly why I'm sad that I had to cancel having lunch with a friend today.  It's about the only human contact I have out of work these days.  It's not a bad thing, it's just a combination of things.  All of my friends live pretty much on the south side of the Salt Lake valley.  I don't really know many people in Ogden.  I like the folks at church but there aren't many my age and I wind up being the creepy single guy, except I'm not creepy, nor single.  Just kind of shy (me, shy?), quiet, and because of that, lonely.

I'm thankful for Bucket and I'm also thankful that although I'm lonely for some human company, I'm not alone.  I have Jesus and that's sufficient.  I know there's a reason fir this right now, one that I probably don't understand, but will someday.  Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness and maybe, just maybe this is my "wilderness" time.  I know I have to be careful about what I do during this time, but I know too that the Lord will protect me.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to do this or that to rectify the situation....

I also know that it's by choice that I don't.  I talked to God about this today and He led me to an article about going through His refining fire.  Maybe this is just a quick trip in the furnace again.  I don't know.

I know I'm not the only one, though, and when the time is right, God will unfold the next step in His plan for me.  In the mean time, I just need to remember that we live the Word for His glory, not our own, and that it all makes sense to Him.

And because of that, I can get through another day.